LETTER VIII.

ON POLITENESS AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

WHILST you labor to enrich your mind with the essential virtues of Christianity,—with piety, benevolence, meekness, humility, integrity, and purity ;—and to make yourself useful in domestic management, I would not have my dear child neglect to pursue those graces and acquirements, which may set her virtue in the n.ost advantageous light, adorn her manners, and enlarge her understanding: and this, not in the spirit of vanity, but in the innocent and laudable view of rendering herself more useful and pleasing to her fellow creatures, and, consequently, more acceptable to God. Politeness of behavior, and the attainment of such branches of knowledge, and such arts and accomplishments, as are proper to your sex, capacity, and station, will prove so valuable to yourself through life, and will make you so desirable a companion, that the neglect of them may reasonably be deemed a neglect of duty; since it is undoubtedly our duty to cultivate the powers intrusted to us, and to render ourselves as perfect as we can.

You must have often observed, that nothing is so strong a recommendation, on a slight acquaintance, as politeness; nor does it lose its value by time or intimacy, when preserved, as it ought to be, in the nearest connex

ions and strictest friendships. This delightful qualification, so universally admired and respected, but so rarely possessed in any eminent degree,-cannot but be a considerable object of my wishes for you: nor should either of us be discouraged by the apprehension, that neither I am capable of teaching, nor you of learning it, in perfection; since whatever degree you attain, will amply reward our pains.

To be perfectly polite, one must have great presence of mind with a delicate and quick sense of propriety : or, in other words, one should be able to form an instantaneous judgment of what is fittest to be said or done, on every occasion as it offers. I have known one or two persons, who seemed to owe this advantage to nature only, and to have the peculiar happiness of being born, as it were, with another sense, by which they had an immediate perception of what was proper and improper, in cases absolutely new to them: but this is the lot of very few. In general, propriety of behavior must be the fruit of instruction, of observation, and reasoning; and it is to be cultivated and improved like any other branch of knowledge or virtue. A good temper is a necessary ground-work of it; and if to this be added a good understanding, applied industriously to this purpose, I think it can hardly fail of attaining all that is essential in it. Particular modes and ceremonies of behavior vary in different countries, and even in different parts of the same town. These can only be learned by observation on the manners of those who are best skilled in them, and by keeping what is called good company

But the principles of politeness are the same in all places. Wherever there are human beings, it must be impolite to hurt the temper, or to shock the passions of those you converse with. It must every where be goodbreeding, to set your companions in the most advantageous point of light, by giving each the opportunity of displaying their most agreeable talents, and by carefully avoiding all occasions of exposing their defects;—to exert your own endeavors to please, and to amuse, but not to outshine them; to give each their due share of attention and notice;- not engrossing the talk, when others are desirous to speak, nor suffering the conversation to flag, for want of introducing something to continue or renew a subject ;—not to push your advantages in argument so far that your antagonist cannot retreat with honor:-In short, it is an universal duty in society to consider others more than yourself,-" in honor preferring one another." Christianity, in this rule, gives the best lesson of politeness; yet judgment must be used in the application of it: our humility must not be strained so far as to distress those we mean to honor; we must not quit our proper rank, not force others to treat us improperly; or to accept, what we mean as an advantage, against their wills.-We should be perfectly easy, and make others so if we can. But this happy ease belongs perhaps to the last stage of perfection in politeness, and can hardly be attained till we are conscious that we know the rules of behavior, and are not likely to offend against propriety. In a very young person, who has seen little or nothing of the world, this cannot

be expected; but a real desire of obliging, and a respectful attention, will in a great measure supply the want of knowledge, and will make every one ready to overlook those deficiencies, which are owing only to the want of opportunities to observe the manners of polite company. You ought not therefore to be too much depressed by the consciousness of such deficiencies, but endeavor to get above the shame of wanting what you have not had the means of acquiring. Nothing heightens this false shame, and the awkwardness it occasions, so much as vanity. The humble mind, contented to be known for what it is, and unembarrassed by the dread of betraying its ignorance, is present to itself, and can coinmand the use of understanding, which will generally preserve you from any great indecorum, and will secure you from that ridicule, which is the punishment of affectation rather than of ignorance. People of sense will never despise you, whilst you act naturally : but the moment you attempt to step out of your own character, you make yourself an object of just ridicule.

Many are of opinion, that a very young woman can hardly be too silent and reserved in company; and, certainly, nothing is so disgusting in youth, as pertness and self-conceit: but modesty should be distinguished from an awkward bashfulness, and silence should be only enjoined, when it would be forward and impertipent to talk. There are many proper opportunities for a girl, young even as you are, to speak in company with advantage to herself; and, if she does it without conceit or affectation, she will always be more pleasing

than those, who sit like statues, without sense or motion. When you are silent, your looks should show your attention and presence to the company: a respectful and earnest attention is the most delicate kind of praise, and never fails to gratify and please. You must appear to be interested in what is said, and endeavor to improve yourself by it: if you understand the subject well enough to ask now and then a pertinent question, or if you can mention any circumstances relating to it, that have not before been taken notice of, this will be an agreeable way of showing your willingness to make a part of the company: and will probably draw a particular application to you, from some one or other. Then,

when called upon, you must not draw back as unwilling to answer, nor confine yourself merely to yes or no, as is the custom of many young persons, who become intolerable burdens to the mistress of the house, whilst she strives in vain to draw them into notice, and to give them some share in the conversation.

In your father's house, it is certainly proper for you to pay civility to the guests, and to talk to them, in your turn, with modesty and respect, if they encourage you to it. Young ladies, of nearly your own age, who visit there, fall of course to your share to entertain : but, whilst you exert yourself to make their visit agreeable to them, you must not forget what is due to the elder part of the company, nor, by whispering and laughing apart, give them cause to suspect, what is too often true, that they themselves are the subjects of your mirth. It is so shocking an outrage against society, to