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A COMEDY, IN FIVE ACTS.-BY PHILIP MASS INGER.
Tap. Advance your Plymouth cloak,
There dwells, and within call, if it please your
A potent monarch, call’d the constable, (worship, WELLBORN discovered, in tattered apparel, knocking That does command a citadel, call'a the stocks;
at the Alehoure-door; TAPWELL and FROTH Sach as with great dexterity will hale come from the house.
Your threadbare, tatter'dWell. No credit ? nor no liquor ?
Well. Rascal! slave! Tap. Not a suck, sir;
Fro'h. No rage, sir. Not the remainder of a single cap,
Tap. At his own peril. Do not put yourself Left by a drunken porter.
In too much heat, there being no water near Froth. Not the dropping of the tap for your To quench your thirst; and other drink, I take it, morning's draught, sir:
You must no more remember; not in a dream, sir. 'Tis verity, I assure you.
Well. Why, thou unthankful villain, dar'st thou Well. Verity, you brach!
talk thus ? The devil turned precisian ? Rogue, what am I? Is not thy house, and all thou hast, my gift? Tap. Troth, durst I trust you with a looking Tap. I find it not in chalk; and Timothy Tapwell glass,
Does keep no other register.
Whose riots fed and cloth'd thee? Wert thou not Well. How? dog ! (Raising his cudgel.)
Born on my father's land, and proud to be No. 6.—THE BRITISH DRAMA.
A drudge in his house?
And keeps her reputation pure and clear. Tap. What I was, sir, it skills not;
But, 'prythee, tell me,
Has she no suitors ?
And send and sue again; but to no purpose.
That, I dare undertake, you shall meet from her Reliev'd the poor, and so forth; but he dying, A liberal entertainment. And his estate coming to you,
Well. I doubt it not. Now, Allworth, listen to Late master Francis, but now forlorn Wellborn
me, Well. Slave, stop! or I shall lose myself.
And mark my counsel: I am bound to give it. Froth. Very hardly;
Thy father was my friend; and that affection You cannot out of your way.
[gallant, I bore to him, in right descends to thee; Tap. You were then a lord of acres, the prime I will not have the least affront stick on thee, And I your under butler.
If I with any danger can prevent it. O you'd merry time of't; hawks and bounds,
Allu. I thank your noble care; but pray you, in With choice of running horses, mistresses,
what And other such extravagancies, which
Do I run the hazard ?
Put it not off with wonder,
Allw. In love? Awhile supplied your folly, and, having got
Well. You think you walk in clouds, but are Your land, then left you.
transparent Well. Some curate hath penn'd this invective, I've heard all, and the choice that you have made; And you have studied it.
[mongrel, And, with my finger, can point out the north star Tap, I have not done yet;
By which the loadstone of your folly's guided ; Your land gone, and your credit not worth a token, And to confirm this true, what think you of You grew the common borrower; no man 'scap'd Fair Margaret, the only child and heir you;
Of cormorant Overreach? Dost blush and start, Where poor Tim Tapwell, with a little stock, To hear her only nam'd? Blush at your want Some forty pounds or so, bought a small cottage; or wit and reason. Humbled myself to marriage with my Froth here. Allw. Howe'er you have discover'd my intents,
Well. Hear me, ungrateful hell-hound! Did not I You know my aims are lawful; and, if ever Make purses for you? Then you lick'd my boots, The queen of flowers, the boast of spring, the rose, And thought your holiday cloak too coarse to clean Sprang from an envious briar, I may infer 'em.
There's such disparity in their conditions, 'Twas I, that, when I heard thee swear, if ever Between the goddess of my soul, the daughter, Thou couldst arrive at forty pounds, thou wouldst And the base churl, her father. Live like an emperor, 'twas I that gave it
Well. Grant this true, In ready gold. Deny this, wretch!
As I believe it, canst thou ever hope Tap. I must, sir;
To enjoy a quiet bed with her, whose father For, from the tavern to the taphouse, all,
Ruin'd thy state? On forfeiture of their licenses, stand bound
Allv. And yours too. Ne'er to remember who their best guests were,
Well. I confess it, Allworth. If they grew poor, like you.
Or canst th think, if self-love blind thee not, Well. They're well rewarded,
That Sir Giles Overreach, who, to make her great That beggar themselves to make such rascals rich. In swelling titles, without touch of conscience, Thou viper! thankless viper!
Will cut his neighbour's throat, and, I hope, his But, since you're grown forgetful, I will help
own too, Your memory, and beat you into remembrance; Will e'er consent to make her thine? Give o'er, Not leave one bone unbroken. (Beats him.) And think of some course suitable to thy rank, Tap. O, O, O!
And prosper in it.
Alln. You have well advis'd me.
But, in the meantime, you, that are so studious Allu. Hold, for my sake, hold;
Of my affairs, wholly neglect your own. Denyme, Frank? They are not worth your anger. Remember yourself, and in what plight you are. Well. For once, thou hast redeemed them from Well. No matter, no matter.
this sceptre, (Shaking his cudgel.) Allw. Yes, tis much material: But let 'em vanish;
You know my fortune, and my means; yot someNay, if you grumble, I revoke my pardon.
thing (Wellborn and Allworth talk apart.) I can spare from myself, to help your wants. Froth. This comes of your prating, husband.
(Offers him money.) Tap. Patience, Froth;
Well. How's this? There's law to cure our bruises.
Allio. Nay, be not angry. (Exeunt Tap. and Froth. Well. Money from thee? Well. Sent to your mother?
From a boy? one that lives
I'll eat my arms first. Howsoe'er blind Fortune I cannot pay too much observance to her:
Hath spent the utmost of her malice on me, There are few such stepdames.
Though I am rudely thrust out of an alebouse, Well. 'Tis a noble widow,
And thus accoutred, -know not where to eat,
Or drink, or sleep, but underneath this canopy, - Enter LADY ALLWORTH, ABIGAIL and
Lady. Sort those silks well.
I'll take the air alone: In my right wits, I'll piece it; at the worst,
[Exeunt Tabitha ani Abigail, Die thus and be forgotten.
And, as I gave directions, if this morning Allu. Fara thee well.
[Exeunt. I'm visited by any, entertain them
As heretofore; but say, in my excuse, SCENE II.-A Hall in Lady Allworth's house. I'm indispos'd.
Ord. We shall, madam. AMBLE, ORDER, FURNACE, and WATCHALL,
Lady. Do, and leave me. discovered.
(Exeunt Watchall, Furnace, Order, and Ord. Set all things right; or, as my name is
Nay, stay you, Allworth. Tell me, how is't with
No scruple lesson'd in the full weight of honour. For one whole week makes forfeiture of his break- He did command me, pardon my presumption,fast,
As his unworthy deputy, to kiss And privilege in the wine-cel'ar.
Your ladyship's fair bands. Wat. You are merry,
Lady. I'm honour'd in Good master Steward.
Bis favour to me. Does he hold his purpose Fur. Let him ; I'll be angry.
For the low countries ? Amb. Why, fellow Furnace, 'tis not twelve Allw. Constantly, good madam; o'clock yet,
But will, in person, first present his service. Nor dinner taken up; then 'tis allow'd,
Lady. And how approve you of his course ? Cooks, by their places, may be choleric.
you're yet, Fur. You think you've spoken wisely, goodman Like virgin parchment, capable of any My lady's go-before.
[Amble, Inscription, vicious or honourable : Ord. Nay, nay, no wrangling..
I will not force your will, but leave y u free
Allw. Any form you please
With humble emulation, I would follow
The path my lord marks to me. fur. I'm friends with thee; and yet I will be Lady. 'Tis well answer'd; Wat. With whom?
[angry. And I commend your spirit: your father, Allworth, Fur. No matter whom; yet, now I think ou't, My ever-honour'd husband, some few hours I'm angry with my lady.
Before the will of heaven took him from me, Amb. Heaven forbid, man!
Did commend you, e'en by the dearest ties Ord. What cause has she given thee?
Of perfect love between us, to my charge : Fur. Cause enough, master Steward,
And, therefore, when I speak, you are bound to I was entertain'd by her to please her palate, With such respect, as if he liv'd in me. [hear And, till she forswore eating, I perform'd it.
Allw. I have found you, Now, since our master, noble Allworth, died, Most honour d madam, more than a mother to me; Though I crack my brains to find out tempting And, with my utmost strength of care and service, When I am three parts roasted,
(sauces, Will labour that you may never repent And the fourth part parboil'd, to prepare her viands,
Your bounties shower'd upon ne.
Ord. But your art is seen in the dining-room. Follow the war, tell him, it is a school
Where all the principles tending to honour
Are taught, if truly follow'd; but for such To feed upon her. Yet, of all the harpies
As repair thither, as a place in which That do devour her, I am out of charity
They do presume they may with license practice With none so much as the thin-gutted squire Their lawless riots, they shall never merit That's stolen into com mission.
The noble name of soldiers.
To obey their leaders, and shun mutinies :
In a fair cause; and, for their country's sake,
(u knocking without.) | To run upon the cannon's mouth undaunted, Wat. One knocks.
[Erit. These are the essential parts make up a soldier; Ord. Our late young master.
Not swearing, dice, or drinking. Enter WATCHALL and ALLWORTH.
Allw. There's no syllable Wat. Welcome, sir.
You speak, but is to me an oracle.
Lady. To conclude:
Are like to those with whom they do converse; Amb. We are all your servants.
And from one man I warn you, and that's WellAllw. At once my thanks to all.
born; This is yet some comfort. Is my lady stirring? Not, 'cause he's poor, that rather claims your pity; Ord. Her presence answers for us,
But that he's in his manners 50 depravid,
And hath in vicious courses lost himself.
Sir G. I did once, but now I will not; 'Tis true, your father lov'd him, while he was Thou art no blood of mine. Avaunt! thou beg. Worthy the loving; but, if he had liv'd
gar; To've known him as he is, he had cast him off, If ever thou presame to cross me more, As you must do. (Noise without.) Ill have thee cag'd and whipp'd.
[Erit. Somebody comes.
Gree. I'll grant the warrant. Follow me to my chamber; you shall have gold Think of pye-corner, Furnace ! To furnish you like my son, and still supplied
[Exeunt Greedy and Marrall. Wellborn takes a As I hear from you.
chair, and sits down in the centre of the staye Allw. I am still bound to you.
(E.reunt. Wat. Will you out, sir? Enter WATCHALL, ORDER, SIR GILES OVER- I wonder how thou durst creep in.
REACH, MARRALL, GREEDY, FURNACE, Ord. This is rudeness, and AMBLE.
And saucy impudence. Gree. Not to be seen!
Amb. Cannot you stay Sr G. Still cloister'd up! Her reason,
To be serv'd, among your fellows, from the basket, I hope, assures her, though she make herself But you must press into the hall ? Close prisoner even for her husband's loss,
Fur. Pr'ythee, vanish 'Twill not recover bim.
Into some outhouse, though it be the pigsty; Ord. Sir, 'tis her will!
My scullion shall come to thee. Which we, that are her servants, ought to serve,
Well. This is rare;-
Nor would I have seen you here, for a million. Of rich Canary, which shall spend itself
(Erit. For my lady's honour.
Well. Better and better. He contemns me, too. Gree. Is it of the right race?
Enter ABIGAIL and TABITHA. (Sir G. and Mar. converse apart.) Abi. (Seeing well.) Mercy preserve my sight! Ord. Yes, master Greedy.
What thing is this? Amb. How bis mouth runs o'er!
Tab. A wretched object, truly. Fur. I'll make it run and run.
Let's hence, for heaven's sake, or I shall swoon. Save your good worship.
Abi. I begin to faint already. Gree. Honest master Cook, thy hand; again, how
(Exeunt Abigail and Tabitha. I love thee!
Fur. Will you know your way, sir? Are the good dishes still in being ? speak, boy. Amb. Or shall we teach it you,
Fur. If you've a mind to feed, there is a chine By the head and shoulders? Of beef well season'd.
Well. No; I will not stir;
(the wretch Gree. Good.
Do you mark? I will not. (Starts up.) Let me see Fur. A pheasant larded.
That dares attempt to force me. Why, you slaves, Grue. That I might now give thanks fort! Created only to make legs, and cringe; Fur. Besides, there came last night, from the To carry in a dish, and shift a trencher; forest of Sherwood,
That have not souls only to hope a blessing The fattest stag I ever cook'd.
Beyond your master's leaving, who advances? Gree. A stag, man?
Who shows me the way?
(Beats them.) Fur. A stag, sir; part of it prepard for din- All the Servants. Help, fellows, help! Within ner,
there! And bak'd in puff-paste.
Ord. Here comes my lady,
Enter LADY ALLWORTH.
Bear me to you.
Lady. To me? Sir G. (Adrancing.) You know, we cannot.
Well. And, though I've met with
And then I shall forget these.
To see and hear this rudeness. Dar'st thou think, Sir G. Fie, master Greedy,
Though sworn, that it can ever find belief Will you lose me a thousand pounds for a dinner? That I, who to the best men of this country No more, for shame! We must forget the belly, Denied my presence since my husband's death, When we think of profit.
Can fall so low, as to exchange words with thee? Gree. Well, you shall o'er-rule me.
Will. Scorn me not, good lady; I could e'en cry now. Do you hear, master But, as in form you are angelical, Cook?
Imitate the heavenly natures, and vouchsafe Send but a corner of that immortal pasty,
At the least a while to hear me. You will grant And !, jo thankfulness, will, by your boy,
The blood that runs in this arm is as noblo Send you - a brace of threepences.
As that which fills your veins : your swelling titles, Fur. Will you be so prodigal?
Your ample fortune, with your men's observanco Sir G. (To Ord.) Remember me to your lady. And women's flattery, are in you no virtues; Enter WELLBORN.
Nor these rags, with my poverty, in me vices. Whom have we here?
You have a fair fame, and, I know, deserve it; Well. You know me.
Yet, lady, I must say, in nothing more