me to be in love; yet I am in love; but a team of horse shall not pluck that from me, nor who 'tis I love, and yet 'tis a woman; but what woman I will not tell myself, and yet 'tis a milk-maid; yet 'tis not a maid, for she hath had goffips; yet 'tis a maid, for the is her master's maid, and ferves for wages: the hath more qualities than a water-spaniel, which is much in a bare christian. Here is the cat log [Pulling out a paper] of her conditions; imprimis, she can fetch and carry; why a horfe can do no more; nay, a horfe cannot fetch, but only carry; therefore she is better than a jade. Item, she can milk; look you, a fweet virtue in a maid with clean hands.

Enter Speed.

SPEED. How now, fignior Launce? what news with your mastership?

LAUN. With my master's fhip? why, it is at fea.

SPEED. Well, your old vice ftill; miftake the word:

what news then in your paper ?

LAUN. The blackest news that ever thou heard'st.

SPEED. Why, man, how black?

LAUN. Why, as black as ink.

SPEED. Let me read them.

LAUN. Fie on thee, jolt-head, thou can't not read.
SPEED. Thou lyeft, I can.

LAUN. I will try thee; tell me this, who begot thee?

SPEED. Marry, the fon of my grand-father.

LAUN. O illiterate loiterer, it was the fon of thy grand

mother; this proves, that thou can'ft not read.

SPEED. Come, fool, come, try me in thy paper.

LAUN. There, and St. Nicholas be thy speed!

SPEED. Imprimis, she can milk.

LAUN. Ay, that he can.

1

SPEED. Item, the brews good ale.

LAUN. And therefore comes the proverb, "Bleffing of

your heart, ye brew good ale."

SPEED. Item, she can fowe.

LAUN. That's as much as to say,

SPEED. Item, she can knit.

"Can fhe fo?"

LAUN. What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a ftock!

SPEED. Item, fhe can wash and scour.

LAUN. A fpecial virtue, for then she need not to be wash'd and fcour'd.

SPEED. Item, she can spin.

LAUN. Then may I fet the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living.

SPEED. Item, fhe hath many nameless virtues.

LAUN. That's as much as to fay, "Baftard virtues;" that indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no

names.

SPEED. Here follow her vices.

LAUN. Clofe at the heels of her virtues.

SPEED. Item, fhe is not to be kist fasting, in respect of her breath.

LAUN. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast; read on.

SPEED. Item, fhe hath a sweet mouth..

LAUN. That makes amends for her four breath.

SPEED. Item, fhe doth talk in her fleep.

LAUN. It's no matter for that, so she fleep not in her talk. SPEED. Item, fhe is flow in words,

LAUN. O villain! that fet down among her vices! to be flow in words is a woman's only virtue: I pray thee, out with't, and place it for her chief virtue.

SPEED. Item, she is proud.

LAUN. Out with that too: it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en for her.

SPEED. Item, the hath no teeth.

LAUN. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.

SPEED. Item, she is curst.

LAUN. Well, the best is, fhe hath no teeth to bite.
SPEED. Item, the will often praise her liquor.

LAUN. If her liquor be good, fhe fhall; if the will not,

I will; for good things should be praised.

SPEED. Item, fhe is too liberal.

LAUN. Of her tongue the cannot, for that's writ down, fhe is flow of; of her purse she shall not, for that I'll keep fhut; now of another thing she may, and that I cannot help Well, proceed.

SPEED. Item, fhe hath more hairs than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults.

LAUN. Stop here; I'll have her: fhe was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that article. Rehearse that once

more.

SPEED. Item, fhe hath more hair than wit.

LAUN. More hair than wit, it may be, I'll prove it: the cover of the falt hides the falt, and therefore it is more than the falt; the hair, that covers the wit, is more than the wit; for the greater hides the lefs. What's next?

SPEED. And more faults than hairs.

LAUN. That's monstrous: oh, that that were out!
SPEED. And more wealth than faults.

LAUN. Why, that word makes the faults gracious: well, I'll have her; and if it be a match, as nothing is impoffi ble

SPEED, What then?

LAUN. Why then will I tell thee, that thy master stays for thee at the north-gate. SPEED. For me?

LAUN. For thee? ay; who art thou? he hath staid for a better man than thee.

SPEED. And must I go to him?

LAUN. Thou must run to him, for thou haft ftaid fo long, that going will scarce ferve the turn.

SPEED. Why didft not tell me fooner? pox on your loveletters !

LAUN. Now will he be fwing'd for reading my letter: an upmannerly flave, that will thrust himself into fecrets.I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's correction.

SCENE. V.

Enter Duke and Thurio.

[Exeunt.

DUKE. Sir Thurio, fear not, but she will love you,

Now Valentine is banifh'd from her fight.

THU. Since his exile fhe hath defpis'd me most,
Forfworn my company, and rail'd at me,
That I am defperate of obtaining her.

DUKE. This weak imprefs of love is a figure
Trench'd in ice, which with an hour's heat
Diffolves to water, and doth lofe his form.
A little time will melt her frozen thoughts,
And worthless Valentine fhall be forgot.

Enter Protheus.

How now, Sir Protheus? Is your countryman,
According to our proclamation, gone?

PRO. Gone, my good lord.

DUKE. My daughter takes his going heavily.

PRO. A little time, my lord, will kill that grief.
DUKE. So I believe; but Thurio thinks not fo.
Protheus, the good conceit I hold of thee,
(For thou haft fhewn fome fign of good defert)
Makes me the better to confer with thee.
PRO. Longer than I prove loyal to your grace,
Let me not live to look upon your grace.

DUKE. Thou know'ft, how willingly I would effect
The match between Sir Thurio and my daughter.
PRO. I do, my lord.

DUKE. And alfo, I do think, thou art not ignorant How the opposes her against my will.

PRO. She did, my lord, when Valentine was here.
DUKE. Ay, and perverfely the perseveres fo.
What might we do to make the girl forget
The love of Valentine, and love Sir Thurio?
PRO. The best way is to flander Valentine
With falfhood, cowardice, and poor descent :
Three things that women highly hold in hate.
DUKE. Ay, but she'll think, that it is spoke in hate.
PRO. Ay, if his enemy deliver it:

Therefore it muft, with circumftance, be spoken
By one, whom she efteemeth as his friend.

DUKE. Then you must undertake to stander him. PRO. And that, my lord, I shall be loth to do; 'Tis an ill office for a gentleman;

Especially against his very friend.

DUKE. Where your good word cannot advantage him, Your flander never can endamage him;

Therefore the office is indifferent,

Being intreated to it by your friend.

PRO. You have prevail'd, my lord. If I can do it,