SCOTTISH VOLUNTEERS. A Mufical FARCE. In TWO ACTS. WRITTEN BY ARCHIBALD M'LAREN, AUTHOR of the COUP DE MAIN, SCOTSMAN in LONDON, GREENOCK FAIR, HIGHLAND DROVER, BONNY LASSES of LEITH, &c. AS IT WAS PERFORMED At the THEATRE, GREENOCK. PAISLEY: Printed by J. NEILSON, For the AUTHOR, and R. SMITH, Bookseller. H Fa La He Να (T IT T has been the custom of Authors, time out of mind (at leaft out of my mind) to announce their Publications to the world, with an Apology, fomething to this purpose, "The "following Piece was never defigned for public inspection, but "written merely to amuse the Author; and had it not been at the "request of fome particular friends, the world had never been "troubled with it Now, my cafe is quite the reverse, I publish my Farce at the very preffing defire of one of my greatest enemies, that is to fay, my poverty. This far by way of introduction; now a word or two to the Reader. Sir, when you enter the Bookfeller's fhop, this Pamphlet may be lying on the Counter, the title page attracts your attention, Curiofity prompts you to take it up, and you read a page or two, or if your bufinefs is not very urgent elfewhere, perhaps you honour it with a full perufal, then throw it down, and dance away This is very pretty, and very fashionable, but, alas! who pays the piper? No, no, Sir, I have too much regard for your honour and my own intereft, to let you go fo. When you have asked the price, Damn it, fays you (but remember I don't recommend fwearing): Damn it! what's a Sixpence ?-then put your hand in your pocket, pull out the money, throw it down on the table with an air, take up the book, carry it home, and read it at your leisure, and should you meet with no wit or humour to provoke your rifibility, I give you my free confert to laugh at all the nonfenfe (perhaps that's at the whole) and I've been told (and no doubt fo have you) that laughter contributes much towards good health and longevity. I don't mean what is commonly called a Horfe-laugh; for I verily do believe, that no fuch thing ever existed. I don't speak through oftentation, but I think I may venture to say, that I have had the honour to be acquainted with many of the fpecies, from the fine London Coach-horfe, down to the lean Aberdeen Sand Dobby; and I declare, upon the Word of an Author, that I never knew the most facetious among them, in their hours of merriment, exceed a gentle smile What the World mistakes in horfes for laughter, may be nothing but finging; but as I have no great judgment in mufic, I leave the decifion of this point to the celebrated Mr. Anderson, who did me the favour to publish my Song of MacGregor Arvaro without my confent. But, what have I to do with horfes, I'm writing to Gentlemen. Sir Reader, I beg your pardon for this digreffion. When you have carried home my Farce (or rather your own, for I hope you have paid for it) perhaps fome tender hearted Neighbour, more curious than gencrous, may wish to borrow it; but this I think he will find fomewhat difficult to accomplish, if nobody lends him. Should you lend him your's (which policy forbid) he reads it, and grins at my folly for writing, and your fimplicity for buying it :-and all this grinning and difcomposing of mufcles, he has at the very easy rate of nothing. Let him buy, and be hang'd But hold hold! Mr. Pen, do you know whom you're abufing? One of my Cuftomers. For your impudence, you fhall not draw another fcratch for me to night; and yet, upon a fecond thought, you fhall. In fpite of your fnout (and a fnouty thing you are as ever travelled upon the face of paper) I'll make you affure every one of my readers (and I don't care if they were five thousand) that I am and ever fhall continue their very humble and most obedient, ready to ferve them, with as many Copics as they please, as long as I have any. |