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SCOTTISH

VOLUNTEERS.

A

Musical FARCE.

In TWO ACTS.

WRITTEN BY

ARCHIBALD M'LAREN,

AUTHOR of the COUP DE MAIN,

SCOTSMAN in LONDON,
GREENOCK FAIR,
HIGHLAND DROVER,
BONNY LASSES of LEITH, &c.

AS IT WAS PERFORMED
At the THEATRE, GREENOCK.

PAISLEY:

Priated by J. NEILSON,
For the AUTHOR, and R. SMITH, Bookfeller.

M,DCC,XCV.

I"

T has been the custom of Authors, time out of mind (at

least out of my mind) to announce their Publications to the

world, with an Apology, something to this purpose, “ The “ following Piece was never designed for public inspection, but “ written merely to amuse the Author; and had it not been at the " request of some particular friends, the world had never been « troubled with it Now, my case is quite the reverse, I publish my Farce at the very pressing defire of one of my greatest enemics, that is to say, my poverty. This far by way of introduction ; now a word or two to the Reader. Sir, when you enter the Bookfeller's a thop, this Pamphlet may be lying 0.3 the Counter, the title page attracts your attention, Curiosity prompts you to take it up, and you read a page or two, or if your business is not very urgent elsewhere, perhaps you honour it with a full perusal, then throw it down, and dance away This is very pretty, and very fashionable, but, alas ! who pays the piper ? No, no, Sir, I have too much regard for your honour and my own interest, to let you go so. When you have asked the price, Damn it, says you (but remember I don't recommend swearing): Damn it! what's a Sixpence ?-then put your hand in your pocket, pull out the money, throw it down on the table with an air, take up the book, carry it home, and read it at your leisure, and should you meet with no wit or humour to provoke your risibility, I give you my free consent to laugh at all the nonsense (perhaps that's at the whole) a:d I've been told (and no doubt so have you) that laughter contributes much towards good health and longevity. I don't mean what is commonly called a Horse-laugh; for I verily do believe, that no such thing ever existed. I don't speak through ostentation, but I think I may venture to say, that I have had the honour to be acquainted with many of the fpecies, from the fine London Coach-horse, dewn to the lean Aberdeen Sand Dobby; and I declare, upon the Word of an Author, that I never knew the most facetious among them, in their hours of merriment, exceed a gentle smile. What the World mistakes in horses for lacghter, may be nothing but singing; but as I have no great judgment in music, i leave the decision of this point to the celebrated Mr. Anderfon, who did me the favour to publish my Song of MacGregor Arvaro without my confent.

But, what have I to do with horses, I'm writing to Gentlemen. Sir Reader, I beg your pardon for this digreflion. When you have carricd home my Farce (or rather your own, for I hope you have paid for it) perhaps fome tender hearted Neighbour, more curious than gencronis, may wish to borrow it ; but this I think he will find fumewhat difficult to accomplis, if nobody lends him. Shouid you

lend him your's (which policy forbid) he reads it, and grins at my folly for writing, and your simplicity for buying it :-and all this grinning and discomposing of muscles, he has at the very easy rate of nothing. Let him buy, and be hang'd But hold! hold ! M.. Pen, do you know whom you're abusing ? . One of my Cuftomers. For your impudence, you shall not draw another scratch for me to night; and yet, upon a second thought, yoo Thall. In fpite of your fnou: (and a snouty thing you are as ever travelled upon the face of paper). I'll make you affure every one of my readers (and I don't care if they were five thousand) that I am and erer thall continue their very humble and most obedient, ready to serve them, with as many Copies as they please, as long as I have any.

Dramatis Personæ.

?

M E N. Captain,

Mr. Holliday, Lovestory;

Mr. M‘Laren, Cleekim,

Mr. Dalrymple, Flourish,

Mr. Guion, Nimble,

Mr. Smith, Thomas,

Mr. Darnley, Sir Anthony,

Mr. Byron.
W O M E N.
Jenny,

Mrs. M'Laren, Sophia,

Mrs. Davis, Mrs. Elder,

Mrs. Macadam.

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