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C H A P. III.

ture and vassal, I must beg the favour that

Glumdalclitch, who had always tended me The author sent for to court.

The
queen buys

with so much care and kindness, and unbim of bis master the farmer, and presents derstood to do it so well, might be admithim to the king. He disputes with his ted into her service, and continue to be my najesty's great jcbolars. An apartment at nurse and instructor. Her majesty agreed court privided for the author. He is in bigh favour with the queen. He stands confent, who was glad enough to have his

to my petition, and easily got the farmer's up for the honour of his own country. His daughter preferred at court, and the poor quarrels with the queen's drvarf.

girl herself was not able to hide her joy: The frequent labours I underwent every my late master withdrew, bidding me fareday, made in a few weeks a very consider- well, and saying he had left me in a good able change in my health: the more my service; to which I replied not a word, master got by me, the more infatiable he only making him a slight bow. grew. I had quite loft my stomach, and The queen observed my coldness, and, was almost reduced to a skeleton. 'The when the farmer was gone out of the apartfarmer observed it, and, concluding I must ment, asked me the reason. I made bold foon die, resolved to make as good a hand to tell her majesty, that I owed no other of me as he could. While he was thus obligation to my late master, than his not seasoning and resolving with himself, a far- dathing out the brains of a poor harmdral, or gentleman-uher, came from court, less creature found by chance in his field; commanding my master to carry me imme. which obligation was amply recompensed diately thither for the diversion of the by the gain he had made by me in shewing queen and her ladies. Some of the latter me through half the kingdom, and the had already been to see me, and reported price he had now fold me for. That the strange things of my beauty, behaviour, life I had since led, was laborious enough and good fente. Her majesty, and those to kill an animal of ten times my strength. who attended her, were beyond measure That my health was much impaired by the delighted with my demeanour. I fell on continual drudgery of entertaining the rabmy knees, and begged the honour of kis- ble every hɔur of the day; and that, if my fing her imperial foot; but this gracious master had not thought my life in danger, princess held out her little finger towards her majesty would not have got so cheap a me (after I was set on a table) which I bargain. "But as I was out of all fear of embraced in both my arms, and put the being ill-treated under the protection of so tip of it with the utmost respect to my lip. great and good an empress

, the ornament She made me some general questions about of nature, the darling of the world, the demy country, and my travels, which I an- light of her subjects, the phænix of the fwered as distinály, and in as few words creation; so I hoped my late master's apas I could. She asked, whether I would be prehenfions would appear to be groundless, content to live at court. I bowed down to for I already found my spirits to revive the board of the table, and humbly an- by the influence of her most august preswered that I was my master's slave; but fence. if I were at my own disposal, I should be This was the sum of my speech, deliverproud to devote my life to her majesty's ed with great improprieties and hesitation; service. She then asked my master, whe- the latter part was altogether framed in ther he were willing to sell me at a good the style peculiar to that people, whereof I price. He, who apprehended I could not learned some phrases from Glumdalclitch, live a month, was ready enough to part while she was carrying me to court. with me, and demanded a thousand pieces

The queen, giving great allowance for of gold, which were ordered him on the my defectiveness in 1peaking, was however spot, each piece being about the bigness of surprised at so much wit and good sense in eight hundred moidores; but allowing for so diminutive an animal. She took me in the proportion of all things between that her own hand, and carried me to the king, country and Europe, and the high price of who was then retired to his cabinet. His gold among them, was hardly to great a majesty, a prince of much gravity and fum as a thousand guineas would be in austere countenance, not well observing England. I then said to the queen, fince my ihape at first view, asked the queen afI was now her majesty's most humble crea ter a cold manner, how long it was since she

grew

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grew fond of a splacknuck? for such it evince that I could not posibly do *. One seems he took me to be, as I lay upon my of these virtuofi seemed to think that I breast in her majesty's right hand. But might be an embryo, or abortive birth. this princess

, who hath an infinite dual of But this opinion was rejected by the other wit and humour, set me gently on my feet two, who obierved my limbs to be perfect upon the fcrutore, and commanded me to and finished, and that I had lived several give his majesty an account of myself, years, as it was manifest from my beard, which I did in a very few words; and the stumps whereof they plainly discovered Glumdalclitch, who attended at the cabi- through a magnifying glats. They would net door, and could not endure I should be not allow me to be a dwarf, because my out of her light, being admitted, confirm- littleness was beyond all degrees of comed all that had passed from my arrival at parison; for the queen’s favourite dwarf, her father's house.

the smallest ever known in that kingdom, The king, although he be as learned a was near thirty feet high. After much person as any in his dominions, had been debate they concluded unanimously, that I educated in the study of philosophy, and was only relplum fcalcath, which is interparticularly mathematics; yet when he ob- preted literally lusus naturæ ; a determinaserved my shape exactly, and saw me walk tion exactly agreeable to the modern phiercet, before I began to speak, conceived losophy of Europe, whose professors, disI might be a piece of clock-work (which daining the old evasion of occult causes, is in that country arrived to a very great whereby the followers of Aristotle endeaperfection) contrived by some ingenious voured in vain to disguise their ignorance, artis. But when he heard my voice, and have invented this wonderful solution of all found what I delivered to be regular and difficulties, to the unspeakable advancesational, he could not conceal his astonish- ment of human knowledge. ment. He was by no means fatisfied with After this decisive conclusion, I intreated the relation I gave him of the manner 1 to be heard a word or two. I applied mycame into his kingdom, but thought it a self to the king, and assured his majeky ftory concerted between Glumdalclitch that I me from a country which abound and her father, who had taught me a set of ed with several millions of both sexes, and words to make me fell at a better price. of my own ftature; where the animals, Upon this imagination he put several other trees, and houses were all in proportion, questions to me, and fill received rational and where by consequence 1 might be as answers, no otherwise defective than by a able to defend myself, and to find fufte. foreign accent, and an imperfect know nance, as any of his majesty's subjects ledge in the language, with some ruftic could do here; which I took for a full anphrases which I had learned at the far- swer to those gentlemen's arguments. To mer's house, and did not suit the polite this they only replied with a Tinile of constyle of a court.

tempt, Taying, that the farmer had inHis majelty sent for three great scholars, Itructed me very well in my leffon +. The who were then in their weekly waiting, king, who had a much better underlandaccording to the custom in that country. ing, dismissing his learned inen, sent for the These gentlemen, after they had a while farmer, who by good fortune was not yet examined my shape with much nicety, gone out of town: having therefore first were of different opinions concerning me. examined him privately, and then confrontThey all agreed, that I could not be pro- ed him with me and the young girl, his duced according to the regular laws of na- majelty began to think that what we told ture, because I was not framed with a ca him might possibly be true. He desired pacity of preserving my life either by swiftness, or climbing of trees, or digging holes By this reasoning the author probably intended in the earth. They observed by my teeth, to ridicule the pride of those philosophers, who which they viewed with great exactness, dence in the creation and government of the world : that I was a carnivorous animal; yet most whose cavils are fpecious, like those of the Brabo quadrupeds being an over-match for me, dingnagian sages, uniy in proportion to the ignorance and field-mice with some others too nim- of those to whom they are proposed. ble, they could not imagine how I should be able to support myself

, unless I fed those facts for which they cannot perfectly account,

+ This satire is levelled against all, who reject upon {nails and other in setts, which they notwithstanding the absurdity of reje&ing the restioffered, by many learned arguments, to mony by which they are supported.

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the queen to order that particular care to allift and take care of me.

I had an fhould be taken of me, and was of opinion entire set of silver dishes and plates, and that Glumdalclitch should still continue in other necessaries, which, in proportion to her office of tending me, because he ob- those of the queen, were not much bigger ferved we had a great affection for each than what I have seen in a London toyother. A convenient apartment was pro- mop, for the furniture of a baby-houfe : vided for her at court; Me had a sort of these my little nurse kept in her pocket in governets appointed to take care of her a silver box, and gave me at meals as I education, a maid to dress her, and two. wanted them, always cleaning them herself. other servants for menial offices; but the No person dined with the queen but the care of me was wholly appropriated to two princesses royal, the elder fixteen years herself. The queen commanded her own old, and the younger at that time thirteen cabinet-maker to contrive a box that might and a month. Her majesty used to put a serve me for a bed-chamber, after the mo- bit of meat upon one of my dishes, out of del that Glomdalclitch and I should agree which I carved for inyfelf; and her diverupon. This man was a molt ingenious fion was to see me cat in miniature. For artist, and, according to my directions, in the queen (who had indeed but a weak three weeks finished for me a wooden ftomach) took up at one mouthful as much chamber of fixteen feet square, and twelve as a dozen English farmers could eat at a high, with fath-windows, a door, and civo meal, which to me was for some time a closets, like a London bed-chamber. The very nauseous fight *.' She would craunch board that made the ceiling was to be lift- the wing of a lark, bones and all, between ed up and down by two hinges, to put in a her tceth, although it were nine times as bed ready furnished by her majesty's up- large as that of a full g?own turkey; and holsterer, which Glumdalclitch took out put a bit of bread in her mouth, as big as every day to air, made it with her own two twelve-penny loaves. She drank out hands, and letting it down at night, locked of a golden-cup, above a hogshead at a up the roof over me. A nice workman, draught. Her knives were twice as long who was famous for little curiosities, under. as a scythe, set ftrait upon the handle. The took to make m: two chairs, with backs spoons, forks, and other instruments, were and frames, of a substance not unlike ivo- all in the same proportion. I remember, ry, and two tables, with a cabinet to put when Glumdalclitch carried me out of cumy things in. The room was quilted on riosity to see some of the tables at court, all sides, as well as the floor and the ceil. where ten or a dozen of these enormous ing, to prevent any accident from the care. knives and forks were lifted up together, lessness of those who carried me, and to I thought I had never till then beheld lo break the force of a jolt when I went in a terrible a sight. coach. I desired a lock for my door, to It is the custom, that every Wednesday prevent rats and mice from coming in: (which, as I have before observed, is their the smith, after several attempts, made the labbath) the king and queen, and the royal smallest that ever was seen among them, issue of both sexes, dine together in the for I have known a larger at the gate of apartment of his majesty, to whom I was a gentleman's house in England. I made now become a great favourite; and at a thift to keep the key in a pocket of my these times my little chair and table were own, fearing Glumdalclitch might lose it. The queen likewise ordered the thinnest * Among other dreadful and disgusting images filks that could be gotten to make me

which custom bas , rendered familiar, are those clothes, not much thicker than an English ever turned with abhorrence from the skeleton of

which arise from eating animal food: he who has blanket, very cumbersome till I was ac a beast which has been picked whole by birds or customed to them. They were after the vermin, must confefs that habit only could have fashion of the kingdom, partly resembling enabled him to endure the fight of the mangled the Persian, and partly the Chinese, and bones and felh of a dead carcase which every day

cover his table; and he who reflects on the numare a very grave and decent habit.

ber of lives that have been facrificed to sustain The queen became so fond of my com- his own, should enquire by what the account bas pany, that the could not dine without me. been balanced, and whether his life is become I had a table placed upon the same at proportionably of more value by the exercise of which her majesty eat, just at her left el

virtue and piety, by the superior happiness which

he has communicated to reasonable beings, and bow, and a chair to fit on. Glumdalclitch by the glory which his intellcct has asciibed to ftood on a stool on the floor near my table, God.

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placed

placed at his left hand before one of the both our persons appeared before me in fal-cellars

. This prince took a pleasure full view together; and there could be noin conversing with me, enquiring into the thing more ridiculous than the comparimanners, re igion, laws, government, and son: so that I really began to imagine learning of Europe; wherein I gave him myself dwindled many d: grees beiow my the best account I was able. His appre- usual fize. henfion was so clear, and his judgment fo Nothing angered and mortified me fo exacı, that he made very wise reflections much as the queen's dwarf, who being of and observations upon all I said. But I the lowest ftature that was ever in that conicis, that after I had been a little too country (for I verily think he was not fuil copious in talking of my own beloved thirty feet higa) became so infolent at feecountry, of our trade, and wars by sea and ing a creature so much beneath him, that land, of our schisms in religion, and parties he would always affect to swagger and lock in the itate; the prejudices of his educa- big as he pafled by me in the queen's an. tion prevailed so far, that he could not for- tichamber, while I was standing on fome bear taking me up in his right hand, and table talking with the lords or ladies of the ftroking me gently with the other, after an court, and he feldom failed of a smart word hearty fit of laugbing, asked me, whether or two upon my littlene's; against which I was a whig or tory? Then turning to I could only revenge myself by cailing him his first minister, who waited behind him brother, chailenging him to wreille, and with a white staff near as tall as the such repartees as are ułual in the mouths main-mast of the Royal Sovereign, he ob- of court pas es. One day, at ainner, this served how contemptible a thing was hu- malicious little cub was so nettled with man grandeur, which could be mimicked something I had said to him, that, railing by such diminutive insects as I: and yet, himself upon the frame of her majelly's says he, I dare engage, these creatures chair, he took me up by the middle, as I have their titles and distinctions of honour; was sitting down, not thinking any harm, they contrive little nests and burrows, that and let me drop into a large silver bowl of they call houses and cities; they make a cream, and then ran away as fast as he figure in dress and equipage; they love, could. I fell over head and ears, and, if they fight, they dispute, they cheat, they I had not been a good iwimmer, it might betray. And thus he continued on, while have gone very hard with me: for Glummy colour came and went several times dalcliich in that instant happened to be at with indignation to hear our noble country, the other end of the room, and the queen the mistress of arts and arms, the scourge was in such a fright, that the wanted preof France, the arbitress of Europe, the feat sence of mind to aliit me. But my little of virtue, piety, honour, and truth, the nurse ran to my relief, and took me out, pride and envy of the world, fo contemp- after I had swallowed above a quart of tuously treated.

cream. I was put to bed; however I re. But as I was not in a condition to resent ceived no other damage than the loss of a injuries, so upon mature thoughts I began fuit of clothes, which was utterly spoiled. to doubt whether I was injured or no. The dwarf was fnundly whipped, and as a For, after having been accultomed several farther punishment forced to drink up the months to the sight and converse of this bowl of cream into which he had thrown people, and observed every object upon me; neither was he ever restored to fawhich I caft mine eyes to be of propor- vour: for soon after the queen bestowed tionable magnitude, the horror I had at him on a lady of high quality, so that I first conceived from the bulk and aspect faw him no more, to my very great satiswas so far worn off, that if I had then beheld faction; for I could not tell to what extrea company of English lords and ladies in mity such a malicious urchin - might have their finery and birth-day clothes, acting carried his resentment. their several parts in the most courtly man He had before served me a scurvy trick, ner of ftrutting, and bowing, and prating, which set the queen a laughing, although to say the truth, I Mould have been strong- at the same time she was heartily vexed, ly tempted to laugh as much at them, as and would have immediately cashiered the king and his grandees did at me. Nei- him, if I had not been so generous as to ther indeed could I forhear smiling at my intercede. Her majesty had taken a marfelf, when the queen used to place me upon row-bone upon her plate, and, after knockher hard towards a lookirg.glass, by which ing out the marrow, placed the bone again

in

in the dish erect, as it stood before; the cake for my breakfast, above twenty waps, dwarf, watching his opportunity, while allured by the finell, came flying into the Glumdalclitch was gone to the side-board, room, humining louder than the drones of mounted the stool that ihe stood on to take as many bag-pipes. Some of them seized care of me at meals, took me up in both my cake, and carried it peace-meil away; hands, and squeezing my legs together, others flew about my head and face, conwedged them into the marrow-bone, above founding me with the noise, and potting my waist, where I ftu.k for some time, me in the utmost terror of their itings. and made a very ridiculous figure. I be. However, I had the courage to rise and lieve it was near a minute before any draw my hanger, and attack them in the one knew what was become of me; for i air. I dispatched four of them, but the thought it below me to cry out. But, as relt got away, and I presently fhut my princes seldom get their meat hot, my legs window. These insects were as large as were not fcaldel, only my stockings and partridges: I took out their flings, and breeches in a fad condition. The dwarf, fuund them an inch and a half long, and ‘at my intreaty, had no other punishment as sharp as needles. I carefully preserved than a sound whipping.

them all, and having since thewn them, I was frequently rallied by the queen with some other curiolities, in several parts upon account of my fearfulness; and the of Europe, upon my return to England I used to ask me, whether the people of my gave three of them to Gresham College, country were as great cowards as myself? and kept the fourth for myself. The occasion was this: the kingdom is much peftered with flies in summer; and

CHAP. IV. these odious insects, each of them as big as a Dunstable lark, hardly gave me any reft

The country described. A proposal for corwhile I sat at dinner with their continual

recting modern maps. The king's palace,

and some account of the metropolis. The humming and buzzing about mine ears.

author's way of travelling. The chief They would sometimes alight upon my

temple described. victuals, and leave their loathsome excrement or fpawn behind, which to me was I now intended to give the reader a short very visible, though not to the natives of description of this country, as far as I trathat country, whose large optics were not

velled in it, which was not above two thoufoacute as mine in viewing smaller objects. fand miles rouud Lorbrulgrud, the metroSometimes they would fix upon my nose polis. For the queen, whom I alway's or forehead, where they ftung me to the attended, never went farther, when the acquick, smelling very offensively; and I companied the king in his progresies, and could easily trace that viscous matter, there staid til! his majelty returned from which, our naturalists tell us, enables those viewing his frontiers. The whole extent creatures to walk with their feet upwards of this prince's dominions reached about upon a ceiling. I had much ado to de- fix thousand miles in length, and from fend myself against these detestable ani- three to five in breadth. From whence I mals, and could not forbear starting when cannot but conclude that our geographers they came on my face. It was the com of Europe are in a great error, by suppo. mon practice of the dwarf to catch a nuin. fing rothing but sea between Japan and ber of these insects in his hand, as school- California; for it was ever my opinion, boys do amongst us, and let them out that there must be a balance of earth to suddenly under my nose, on purpofe to counterpoise the great continent of Tartafrighten me and divert the queen. My ry; and therefore they ought to correct remedy was to cut them in pieces with my their maps and charts, by joining this vast knife, as they flew in the air, wherein my tract of land to the north-west parts of dexterity was much admired.

America, wherein I shall be ready to lend I remember, one morning, when Glum- them my aslistance. dalclitch had set me in my box upon a win The kingdom is a peninsula, terminated dow, ss she usually did in fair days to give to the north-east by a ridge of mountains me air (for I dorit not venture to let the thirty miles high, which are altogether imbox be hung on a nail out of the window, pastable by reason of the volcanoes upon as we do with cages in England) after I their tops: neither do the most learned had lifted up one of my fathes, and fat know what sort of mortals inhabit beyond down at my table to eat a piece of sweet those mountains, or whether they be inha

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