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peaceful neighbours, and who de augmented to ten. Each teacher fended themselves, by force of arms, had four assistants, and all were from the attacks of the steward. paid in the same manner, and to
At the age of fifteen, the orphan the same amount, as the clerical heiress was married to sir A- , order. Houses were allotted to and from that moment a gradual them, with a good garden annexed but rapid revolution commenced to each, and a system of superinSir A- lost no time in carrying tendance was carefully established, his bride to his new domain. Do- by which a succession of accomnald was obliged to give a strict plished teachers, together with proaccount of his administration to his per objects and proper methods of new master; his statements were instruction, were effectually secompared with testimony and ap- cured. pearances upon the spot; and his Having thus provided for the true character and conduct were regular instruction of the young and fully comprehended by sir A- 's the old, and secured the benefits of enlightened and experienced eye. integrity and knowledge to the risTo obtain impunity he was obliged ing generation, it remained to recto surrender the greatest part of tify the prevalent evils by a due the hoard he had been so industri. exercise of the power of a landlord. ously amassing, and this sum, in- The abuse of spirituous liquors was stead of being forfeited to his supe- at once extinguished by recalling all rior, was repaid to those from whom the licences to sell or manufacture it had been unjustly extorted. the liquor, and by prohibiting the
He was patron of the five pa- future importation or sale of it..... rishes of C , and easily obtained You may think, perhaps, that to their resignation of their benefices effect this would require a stretch from the present possessors, on of authority, despotic and illegal; securing to them the payment of but, in truth, to effect all his purtheir salary in money, during the poses, sir A- needed no laws nor rest of their, lives. The number of penal sanctions; no power of fining, the future pastors was augmented imprisoning, or whipping. The to ten, and four petty officers were simple prerogative of every landallotted to each church, as organist, lord to chuse his own tenant, rensexton, and the like. The rector dered the will of sir A- absoreceived three hundred pounds a lute within the precincts of Cyear, two of his assistants one hun. Those who disobeyed his commands, dred a piece, and the other two or rather those who opposed his fifty pounds a piece, the whole pay wishes, were compelled to withdraw able not as formerly, in kind, nor beyond these precincts. Nobody even by the occupants of house and would sell liquor to their neighland, but from the proprietor's own bours, because sir A- refused to purse.
let them a house to sell it in, or Persons were selected for this even to shelter themselves. They office whose learning, piety, and could not build a booth or a hovel public spirit made them zealous pro- on land that was not their own, and moters and coadjutors of all his nobody would harbour the seller or schemes. New and commodious underlet to him, because he would dwellings were erected for their ac- thereby incur an ejectment himseif. commodation, and the old crazy This method of proceeding would churches were supplanted by tem- not receive, in general, the name of ples reared on a chaste, solid, and punishment; and yet whether we spacious plan.
consider its consequences to those The five petty teachers were subjected to it, or to the community dismissed to situations more lucra- at large, nothing that is called putive and more suitable to their ca- nishment is comparable to this. To pacities. The number of schools was the criminal, exile from his friends, his relatives, and his clan, to be ble ; and no man ever surpassed sir ejected from the vocation to which
in these qualities. To unfold he was bred up, and from a posses- minutely all the parts and branches sion which the wise arrangements of his system would demand a voof sir A- made daily more eligi- lume : I have found the greatest ble, was a punishment severer than pleasure in studying this system, imprisonment or death, while the but cannot, at this time, pretend to safety of the whole society was far give you more than a very loose and more effectually promoted by lop- brief sketch. ping off the diseased member in this The power of a steward, on this way, than by the cruelty of execu- estate, was, as you have seen, comtions, or the trouble and expence of bined with that of a magistrate. To imprisonment. To the lord nothing share his power, in some degree, could be more convenient, because it with others was made necessary by abandoned every offender to his ab. the extent of his estate. In the sesolute discretion. In judging his lection of his stewards, therefore, in people he was bound down by no prescribing and limiting their dulaws, either written or prescriptive, ties, in superintending their conduct, and to no forms but the simple one and guarding against abuses of every of noticing his tenant to quit. He kind, his utmost caution and wisdom was, by this means, enabled to con- were requisite. In regulating the troul men in those relations in which receipt and disbursement of so vast they are exempted from ordinary an annual sum as forty-seven thou. laws. A bad master, a bad hus- sand pounds, there was room and band, a bad father, a bad neighbour, need for the most consummate skill an idler, a tippler, a cock fighter, in fiscal affairs. an inveterate sportsman are all ex He had a principal steward, and empted from any legal correction; ten sub-stewards. The former rebut over these sir A- extended ceived a salary of five hundred his rod, and by exiling them for ever pounds a year, and the latter three from his estate, not only freed the hundred pounds a year a piece..... rest from actual molestation, and Each steward had two clerks and from the evils of a bad example, but two messengers attached to his ofgained an opportunity of supplying fice; a clerk having one hundred the place of an unsound meinber by pounds a year, and a messenger a sound one. Every vacancy was fifty. Besides these there was a reready to be filled from the overflow. ceiver and a payer-general, who, at ing population of his English estate, the same time, performed the office which furnished not only his fields of bankers or cash keepers to the with husbandmen, but his towns whole society. The expence of this with artisans in abundance. And latter office, which we may dignify this will show you by what powerful with the name of treasury, was motives sir A- was influenced to about one thousand pounds. retain his estate wholly in his own These allowances, by no means hands. By alienating house or land, insignificant in themselves, were or even by granting leases of consis rendered very liberal by the genederable duration, it is evident that ral cheapness of provisions in the the true foundation of his power district; by the frugal modes of liv. would be undermined, and the har. ing in vogue; and by the privilege mony of his system entirely destroy- of a lodging and garden rent free, a ed.
privilege enjoyed by every one in In so large a property it was im- the lord's service. possible to attend to every thing You will find, by a little calculawith his own eyes. Great industry, tion, that all the salaries I have enugreat sagacity, and great order will merated, amount to about twenty enable a single man to perform what thousand pounds; a sum far exwill vulgarly be deemed impossi- ceeding the original income of the estate, though now only two-fifths of ney. Still less was he likely to be. his annual revenue ; a sum which stow his money upon transitory gave a plentiful subsistence to up- objects, upon gratifications which wards of one hundred and fifty wor- leave no vestige behind. Fifteen thy families, who held this subsist. years have elapsed since was ence by no other tenure than their put into the condition already desgood behaviour, or at the will of one cribed. Sir A- is still alive, and man; a tenure too precarious in as active and beneficent as ever, but all other cases, but rendered certain what he has undertaken and comand immutable by the wisdom of that pleted since that period, though no one in the present case.
less meritorious and memorable I need hardly observe that all than his former projects, I shall rethese institutions were not adopted late on some future occasion. at once. On the contrary, the progress of things to the state abovedescribed did no more than keep pace with the progress of popula For the Literary Magazine. tion and improvement. To restrain the use of spirituous liquors, to con
ON GRATITUDE. vert the ignorant, idle, and profiigate into diligent, and sober, and THERE is a species of grateful enlightened, was no work of a day. remorse, which sometimes has been Sir A -'s benevolence met with known to operate forcibly on the innumerable obstacles, and his ener- minds of the most hardened in imgy cnly surmounted them after the pudence. Towards the beginning toil and perseverance of thirty years, of the last century, an actor, celeand when the generation he found brated for mimicry, was to have alive had almost totally been sup. been employed by a comic author, planted by strangers, or by a new to take off the person, manner, and generation. By placing the children singularly awkward delivery of the in a situation wholly different from celebrated Dr. Woodward, who was that of their parents, and by care intended to be introduced on the fully instructing them in the ele- stage in a laughable character. The ments of useful knowledge, the new mimic dressed himself as a countryrace were as different in their minds man, and waited on the doctor with and morals as in their external con- a long catalogue of aliments, which dition from those who preceded he said attended on his wife. The them. Great as this revolution was, physician heard with amazement, and long the period in which it was diseases and pains of the most oppo. cffected, sir A - had the happi- site nature, repeated and redoubled ne:s of seeing all his schemes ac- on the wretched patient. Since complished before he had passed the actor's wish was to keep Dr. the meridian of life, and might en- Woodward in talk as long as postertain a well founded hope of enjoy- sible, that he might make the more ing, for at least another thirty years, observations on his gestures, he the contemplaticn of a structure loaded his poor imaginary spouse which he had been the same num- with every infirmity, which had any ber of years in building.
probable chance of prolonging the A mind like sir A 's, and his interview. At length, being master habits of activity, would hardly sit of his errand, he drew from his down at ease at this point. After purse a guinea, and, with a scrape, paying all his salaries, and disburs- made an uncouth offer of it. “ Put ing all the money necessary to sus- up thy money, poor fellow," cried tain the system at the point to which the doctor, “ put up thy money. raised it, he had a surplus revenue Thou hast need of all thy cash and of near thirty thousand pounds. all thy patience too with such a bun
Sir A- was no hoarder of mo- dle of diseases tied to thy back.”
The actor returned to his em- that of heraldry. One instance, at ployer and recounted the whole con- least, can be brought, unmatched in versation, with such genuine mimic. any other. ry, that the author shouted with The passage is taken from a approbation. His raptures were scarce treatise in quarto, entitled soon checked, for the mimic told 6 The Blazon of gentrie,” (a book him, with the emphasis of sensibility, recommended by Peacham in his that he would sooner die, than pros. “ Compleat Gentleman," as a book titute his talents by rendering such to be bought at any rate), and runs genuine humanity a public laughing- thus : “ Christ was a gentleman, as stock.
to his flesh, by the part of his moA more grotesque instance of the ther (as I have read), and might, sudden power of gratitude, may be if he had esteemed of the vayne produced in a well attested modern glorey of this worlde (whereof he anecdote.
often sayde his kingdom was not) A parson Patten, of Whitstable, have borne coat-armour. The in Kent, was well known in his own apostles, also (as my author telleth neighbourhood, as a man of great me), were gentlemen of bloud, and oddity, great humour, and equally manye of them descended from that great extravagance. Once, stand- worthy conqueror, Judas Machabe. ing in need of a new wig, his old us, but through the tract of time, and one defying all further assistance persecution of wars, poverty opfrom art; he went over to Canter. pressed the kindred, and they were bury, and applied to a barber, young constrayned to servile workes.”— in business, to make him one. The p. 97. tradesman, who was just going to In the same book we find the dinner, begged the honour of his new exact arms, properly blazoned, of customer's company at his meal, to Semiramis, queen of Babylon. which Patten most readily consent. A sanguine Frenchman had so ed. After dinner, a large bowl of high an opinion of the pleasures to punch was produced, and the reve- be enjoyed in the study of heraldrend guest with equal readiness, ry, that he used to lament the joined in its demolition. When it hard case of our forefather Adam, was out, the barber was proceeding who could not possibly amuse himto business, and began to handle his self by investigating that science, measure, when Mr. Patten desired nor that of genealogy. him to desist, saying he should not make his wig.
“ Why not,” exclaimed the astonished host, « have I done any For the Literary Magazine. thing to offend vou, sir?” “ Not in the least,” replied the
ON PUNNING. guest, “but I find you are a very honest, good-natured fellow; so I THE antiquity of punning is inwill take somebody else in. Had dubitable, and were it not that the you made it, you would never have ignoble term, a pun, would sound ill been paid for it.”
when connected with apostolic characters, we could produce authority highly respectable, indeed, in its
favour. The Grecian oracles had For the Literary Magazine. lost their credit long before their
cessation, had not punning stood HERALDIC ENTHUSIASM. them in stead. To reckon up ana
cient punsters would be an endless IT is probable that no science on task. Plautus loved quibbling as on earth conveys to its votaries a much as Shakespeare did. Even greater degree of enthusiasm than the ancient sages of the law could
not refrain from punning; and we patients, by somewhat besides the have as many quibbles of Cicero, consideration of their own credit and nearly, as orations. He was not future profit; for, at Dijon, in 1386, unhappy in his choice of puns, and a physician was fined, by the bailiff, among the rest, “ Hoc est, verè, se. fifty golden franks, besides being impulchrum patris, colere,” which he prisoned, for not having completed said of a man who, through avarice, the cures of some persons, whose ploughed up the burying place of recovery he had undertaken. And his family, may take rank nearly as the beautiful Austrigilda, consort to a pun.
Gontran, king of Burgundy, had, in 'Almost the whole artillery of the sixth century, been permitted those wits, who adorned the centu. by her husband, in compliance with ries before the last, was supplied her dying request, to have her two from the abundant magazine of physicians slain, and buried with puns; and the great restorer of her: whether from attachment to Italian poetry, the celebrated Pe- them, or by way of punishment for trarch, not contented with punning their ill success in her case, is not on his mistress' name, in almost said. every one of his hundreds of sonnets, takes that beloved word into pieces, in his fifth, and puns upon The common jocular advice given every separate syllable; and this to persons who are sick from the not contenting him, he drags in Ho- effects of intoxication, the night bemer, literally, by the head and fore, “ to take a hair of the same shoulders, and puns upon him too. dog," seems to be derived from a
Punning is treated with an une- ridiculous mode of cure, prescribed qualled species of cruelty ; it is ab. to persons bitten by a mad dog, in a horred even while it amuses; and French treatise, entitled “ La Me. the very horse laugh which it sel. decine aisée," written by “Le Clerc, dom fails to raise round the convi. Conseiller-medecin du Roy," pubvial board, is almost always accom- lished at Paris, 1719. He tells us, panied by detractive exclamations « Pour la cure de la playe, mettez of " Oh, oh, this is too bad.” “I am dessus du poil du chien qui a mordu. ashamed of this," and the like; C'est la remede de Paré." while the blushing punster, actually shrinking from the mirth which he has created, feels himself hurt at The art of examining and curing each burst of laughter, and gene- wounds was, by writers of romance, rally takes great pains to convince allotted to princesses, and damsels the company, that he never punned of high birth. In later days, Bubefore, nor will ever pun again. chanan writes, that the Scots nobiYet a pun never loses a friend, nor, lity were remarkably dexterous in except in aukward hands, tinges the chirurgical art; and he says of the chcek of innocence. No fami- James IV of Scotland, « Quod vullies are set at variance by a pun, nera scientissimé tractaret.” no reputations lost, no female honour tainted.
" Are you out of sorts,” says the
facetious Montaigne, « that your For the Literary Magazine. physician has denied you the enjoy
ment of wine, and of your favourite MEDICAL ANECDOTES. dishes ? Be not uneasy ; apply to
me, and I engage to find you one of THERE was a time, when phy. equal credit, who shall put you under sicians were bound to a strict atten- a regimen perfectly opposite to that tion towards the welfare of their settled by your own adviser."