him as he leads his Auditory. His Eyes are part of his Tythe at Eafter, which he boils at each Sermon. He has two Mouths, his Nofe is one, for he fpeaks through both. His Hands are not in his Gloves, but his Gloves in his Hands, for 'twixt Sweatings, that is, Sermons, he handles little elfe, except his dear Mammon. His Gown (I mean his Cloak) reaches but his Pockets: When he rides in that Mantle, with a Hood on his Shoulders, and a Hat above both,is he not then his own Man of Sin with the Triple Crown? You would fwear fome honeft Carpenter drefs'd him, and made him the Tunnel of a Country Chimney. His Doublet and Hofe are of dark Blue, a grain deeper than pure Coventry: But of late he's in Black, fince the Loyal Clergy were perfecuted into Colours. His two longeft things are his Nails and his Prayers. But the cleaneft thing about him is his Pulpit Cufheon, for he ftill beats the Duft out of it. To do him Right, commonly he wears a pair of good Lungs, whereby he turns the Church into a Belfry, for his Clapper inakes fuch a Din, you cannot hear the Cymbal for the Tink

ling. If his Pulpit be large he walks his Round, and fpeaks as from a Garrifon, (his own Neck is Palizado'd with a Ruff) when he firft enters his Prayer before Sermon, he winks and gafps and gafps and winks, as if he prepar'd to Preach in another World. He feems in a Slumber, then in a Dream, then rumbles a while, at laft founds forth, and then throws fo much Dirt and Nonfenfe towards Heaven, as he durft not offer to a Member of Parliament. Now because Scripture bids him not curse the King in his Thought, he does it in his Pulpit, by word of Mouth; though Heaven ftrike him. Dumb in the very Act, as it did Hill at Cambridge, who, while he prayed, Depofe him, O Lord, who would Depofe us, was made the Dumb Devil. This (one would think) fhould gargle his foul Mouth. For his only Hope why God fhould hear him against the King, is, the Devil himfelf (that great Affembler) was heard against Job. His whole Prayer is fuch an irrational Bleating, that (without a Metaphor) 'tis the Calves of his Lips: And commonly 'tis larded with fine new Words, as Savingable, Muchly, Chrift-Feful

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nefs, &c. and yet he has the Face to Preach against Prayer in an unknown Tongue. Sometimes he is founder'd, and then there is fuch hideous Coughing But that is very feldom, for he can glibly run over Nonfenfe, as an empty Cart trundles down a Hill. When the King girt round the Earl of Effex at Leftythiel, an Affembler complained, that God had drawn his People into the Wilderness, and told him, He was bound in Honour to feed them; for, Lord, faid he, fince thou giveß them no Meat, we pray thee, O Lord, to give them no Stomachs. He tore the Liturgy, becaufe, forfooth, it fhackled his Spirit, (he would be a Devil without a Circle ;) and now if he fee the Book of Common Prayer, the Fire fees it next, as fure as thofe Bishops were burned who Compiled it. Yet he has Mercy on Hopkins and Sternhold, because their Meters are Sung without Authority (no Statute, Canon, or Injunction at all;) only like himself, first crept into Private Houfes, and then into Churches. Mr. Rous moved thofe Meters might be fequeftred, and his own new Rithmes to enjoy the fequeftration; but was refused, because John

John Hopkins was as ancient as John' Calvin, befides, when Rous ftood forth for his Trial, Robin Wisdom was found the better Poet. 'Tis true, they have a Directory, but 'tis good for nothing but Adoniram, who fold the Original for 4001. And the Book must ferve both England and Scotland, as the Directory Needle points North and South: The Aembler's only Ingenuity is, that he prays for an extempore Spirit, ince his Confcience tells him he has no Learning. His Prayer thus ended, he then looks round, to obferve the Sex of his Congregation, and accordingly turns the Apostle's Men, Fathers, and Brethen, into Dear Brethren and Sifters. For his ufual Auditory is most part Female; and as many Sifters flock to him, as at Paris on Saint Margaret's Day, when all come to Church that are, or hope to be with Child that Year. He divides his Text as he did the Kingdom, makes one part fight against another: Or as Burges divides the Dean of Paul's Houfe, not into Parts but Tenements; that is, fo as 'twill yield moft Money. And proper ly they are Tenements; for each part must be dwelt upon, though himself F 3

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comes near it but once a Quarter; and fo his Text is rather let out than Divided. Yet fometimes (to fhew his Skill in Keckerman) he Butchers a Text, cuts it (juft as the Levite did his Concubine) into many dead Parts, breaking the Sense and Words all to pieces, and then they are not divided, but fhattered, like the Splinters of Don Quixot's Lance. If his Text be to the Occafion, his first Difh is Applies of Gold in Pictures of Silver, yet tells not the People what Pictures thofe were. His Sermon and Prayer grin at each other, the one is Presbyterian, the other Independant, for he preaches up the Claes, yet prays for the Army. Let his Doctrine and Reafon be what they will, his Ufe is still to fave his Benefice and augment his Lecture. He talks much of Truth, but abhors Peace, left it ftrip him as naked as Truth; and therefore hates a Perfonal Treaty, unless with a Sifter. He has a rare fimpering way of Expreflions, he calls a Married Couple, Saints that enjoy the Myftery; and a Man Drunk, is a Brother full of the Creature. Yet at Wedding Sermons he is very familiar, and (like that Picture in the

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