Mankind in every other Subject of Discourse, as in that of their own Profeffion.

A Continuation of the State of England. The Character of a Firft or Chief Minister of State in European Courts.

M

Y Mafter was yet wholly at a Lofs to under

ftand what Motives could incite this Race of Lawyers to perplex, difquiet, and weary themfelves, and engage in a Confederacy of Injustice, meerly for the Sake of injuring their Fellow-animals; neither could he comprehend what I meant in faying, they did it for Hire. Whereupon I was at much Pains to defcribe to him the Use of Money, the Materials it was made of, and the Value of the Metals; that, when a Yahoo had got a great Store of this precious Subftance, he was able to purchase whatever he had a Mind to, the finest Cloathing, the nobleft Houfes, great Tracts of Land, the most coftly Meats and Drinks; and have his Choice of the most beautiful Females. Therefore, fince Money alone was able to perform all thefe Feats, our Yahoos thought, they could never have enough of it to fpend, or to fave, as they found themselves inclined, from their natural Bent either to Profufion or Avarice. That the rich Man enjoyed the Fruit of the poor Man's Labour, and the latter were a thousand to one in Proportion to the former. That the Bulk of our People were forced to live miferably, by labouring every Day for fmall Wages, to make a few live

live plentifully. I enlarged myfelf much on these, and many other Particulars, to the fame Purpose: But his Honour was ftill to feek: For he went upon a Suppofition, that all Animals had a Title to their Share in the Productions of the Earth ; and especially those who prefided over the rest. Therefore he defired I would let him know, what these costly Meats were, and how any of us happened to want them. Whereupon I enumerated as many Sorts as came into my Head, with the various Methods of Dreffing them, which could not be done, without fending Veffels by Sea to every Part of the World, as well for Liquors to drink, as for Sauces, and innumerable other Conveniencies. I affured him, that this whole Globe of Earth must be at least three Times gone round, before one of our better Female Yahoos could get her Breakfast, or a Cup to put it in. He faid, that must needs be a miferable Country, which cannot furnish Food for its own Inhabitants. what he chiefly wondered at, was how fuch vast Tracts of Ground, as I defcribed, fhould be wholly without fresh Water, and the People put to the Neceffity of fending over the Sea for Drink. I replied, that England (the dear Place of my Nativity) was computed to produce three Times the Quantity of Food, more than its Inhabitants are able to confume, as well as Liquors extracted from Grain, or preffed out of the Fruit of certain Trees, which made excellent Drink; and the fame Proportion in every other Convenience of Life. But in order to feed the Luxury and Intemperance of the Males, and the Vanity of the Females, we fent away the greatest Part of our neceffary Things to other Countries, from whence, in Return, we brought the Materials of Difeafes, Folly, and Vice,

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But

Vice, to spend among ourselves. Hence it follows of Neceffity, that vaft Numbers of our People are compelled to feek their Livelihood by Begging, Robbing, Stealing, Cheating, Pimping, Forfwearing, Flattering, Suborning, Forfwearing, Forging, Gaming, Lying, Fawning, Hectoring, Voting, Scribling, Star-gazing, Poyfoning, Whoring, Canting, Libelling, Free-thinking, and the like Occupations: Every one of which Terms I was at much Pains to make him understand.

That Wine was not imported among us from foreign Countries, to fupply the Want of Water, or other Drinks, but because it was a Sort of Liquid which made us merry, by putting us out of our Senses; diverted all melancholy Thoughts, begat wild extravagant Imaginations in the Brain, raised our Hopes, and banished our Fears; sufpended every Office of Reason for a Time, and deprived us of the Ufe of our Limbs, till we fell into a profound Sleep; although it must be confeffed, that we always awaked fick and dispirited; and that the Ufe of this Liquor filled us with Diseases, which made our Lives uncomfortable and fhort.

But, befide all this, the Bulk of our People fupported themselves by furnishing the Neceffities or Conveniencies of Life to the Rich, and to each other. For Inftance, when I am at Home, and dreffed, as I ought to be, I carry on my Body the Workmanship of an hundred Tradefmen; the Building and Furniture of my Houfe employ as many more, and five Times the Number to adorn my Wife.

I was going on to tell him of another Sort of People, who get their Livelihood by attending the Sick, having, upon fome Occafions, informed

his

his Honour, that many of my Crew had died of Diseases. But here it was with the utmoft Difficulty, that I brought him to apprehend what I meant. He could eafily conceive, that a Houybahnm grew weak and heavy a few Days before his Death; or, by fome Accident, might hurt a Limb. But that Nature, who works all Things to Perfection, fhould fuffer any Pains to breed in our Bodies, he thought impoffible, and defired to know the Reason of fo unaccountable an Evil. I told him, we fed on a thousand Things, which operated contrary to each other; that we eat when we were not hungry, and drank without the Provocation of Thirft; that we fat whole Nights drinking ftrong Liquors without eating a Bit, which difpofed us to Sloth, enflamed our Bodies, and precipitated or prevented Digeftion. That prostitute Female Yahoos acquired a certain Malady, which bred Rottennefs in the Bones of those who fell into their Embraces; that this, and many other Diseases, were propagated from Father to Son; fo that great Numbers come into the World with complicated Maladies upon them that it would be endless to give him a Catalogue of all Difeafes incident to human Bodies; for they could not be fewer than five or fix hundred, fpread over every Limb, and Joynt; in fhort, every Part, external and inteftine, having Diseases appropriated to each. To remedy which, there was a Sort of People bred up among us, in the Profeffion, or Pretence, of curing the Sick. And, because I had fome Skill in the Faculty, I would, in Gratitude to his Honour, let him know the whole Mystery and Method by which they proceed.

Their Fundamental is, that all Diseases arife from Repletion; from whence they conclude, that a great Evacuation of the Body is necessary, either through the natural Paffage, or upwards at the Mouth. Their next Bufinefs is, from Herbs, Minerals, Gums, Oyls, Shells, Salts, Juices, Sea-weed, Excrements, Barks of Trees, Serpents, Toads, Frogs, Spiders, dead Mens Flesh and Bones, Birds, Beafts, and Fishes, to form a Compofition for Smell and Tafte the most abominable, naufeous, and deteftable, they can poffibly contrive, which the Stomach immediately rejects with Loathing; and this they call a Vomit: Or elfe, from the fame Store-house, with fome other poyfonous Additions, they command us to take in at the Orifice above or below (juft as the Phyfician then happens to be difpofed) a Medicine equally annoying and difguftful to the Bowels; which relaxing the Belly, drives down all before it; and this they call a Purge, or a Clyfter. For Nature (as the Phyficians alledge) having intended the fuperior anterior Orifice only for the Intromiffion of Solids and Liquids, and the inferior pofterior for Ejection; thefe Artifts ingeniously confidering that in all Diseases Nature is forced out of her Seat; therefore, to replace her in it, the Body must be treated in a Manner directly contrary, by interchanging the Ufe of each Orifice; forcing Solids and Liquids in at the Anus, and making Evacuations at the Mouth.

But, befides real Difeafes, we are fubject to many that are only imaginary, for which the Phyficians have invented imaginary Cures; these have their feveral Names, and fo have the Drugs that are proper for them; and with these our Female Taboos are always infefted.

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