bout an Hour's Distance, or thirty Miles from Town. They alighted out of the Coach near a fmall Foot-path in the Field, and, Glumdalclitch fetting down my Travelling-Box, I went out of it to walk. There was a Cow-dung in the Path, and I must need try my Activity, by attempting to leap over it. I took a Run, but unfortunately jumped fhort, and found myfelf juft in the Middle up to my Knees. I waded thro' with fome Difficulty, and one of the Footmen wiped me as clean as he could with his Handkerchief; for I was filthily bemired, and my Nurfe confined me to my Box, till we returned Home; where the Queen was foon informed of what had paffed, and the Footmen fpread it about the Court; fo that all the Mirth, for fome Days, was at my Expence.

CHAP. VI.

Several Contrivances of the Author to please the King and Queen. He fhews his Skill in Mufic. The King enquires into the State of Europe, which the Author relates to him. The King's Obfervations thereon.

Ufed to attend the King's Levee once or twice a Week, and had often feen him under the Barber's Hand, which, indeed, was at firft, very terrible to behold: For the Razor was almost twice as long as an ordinary Scythe. His Majesty, according to the Custom of the Country, was only fhaved twice a Week. I once prevailed on the Barber to give me fome of the Suds or Lather, out of which I picked forty or fifty of the strongest Stumps of Hair. I then took a Piece of fine Wood, and cut it like the Back of a Comb, maK 4 king

king feveral Holes in it at equal Distance, with as fmall a Needle as I could get from Glumdalclitch. I fixed in the Stumps fo artificially, fcraping and floping them with my Knife towards the Points, that I made a very tolerable Comb; which was a feasonable Supply, my own being fo much broken in the Teeth, that it was almost useless: Neither did I know any Artist in that Country so nice and exact, as would undertake to make me another.

And this puts me in Mind of an Amusement wherein I spent many of my leifure Hours. I defired the Queen's Woman to fave for me the Combings of her Majesty's Hair, whereof in Time I got a good Quantity, and confulting with my Friend the Cabinet-maker, who had received general Orders to do little Jobbs for me, I directed him to make two Chair-frames, no larger than those I had in my Box, and then to bore little Holes with a fine Awl round thofe Parts where I defigned the Backs and Seats; through these Holes I wove the strongest Hairs I could pick out, just after the Manner of Cane-Chairs in England. When they were finished, I made a Prefent of them to her Majefty, who kept them in her Cabinet, and used to fhew them for Curiofities, as, indeed, they were the Wonder of every one that beheld them. The Queen would have had me fit upon one of these Chairs, but I abfolutely refused to obey her, protefting I would rather die a thoufand Deaths, than place a difhonourable Part of my Body on thofe precious Hairs that once adorned her Majesty's Head. Of thefe Hairs (as I had always a mechanical Genius) I likewife made a neat little Purse about five Feet long, with her Majefty's Name decyphered in Gold Letters, which I gave to Glumdalclitch, by the Queen's

Con

Confent. To fay the Truth, it was more for Shew than Ufe, being not of Strength to bear the Weight of the larger Coins, and therefore the kept nothing in it but fome little Toys that Girls are fond of.

The King, who delighted in Mufic, had frequent Concerts at Court, to which I was fometimes carried, and fet in my Box on a Table to hear them: But the Noife was fo great, that I could hardly diftinguish the Tunes. I am confident, that all the Drums and Trumpets of a Royal Army, beating and founding together just at your Ears, could not equal it. My Practice was to have my Box removed from the Places where the Performers fat, as far as I could, then to shut the Doors and Windows of it, and draw the Windowcurtains; after which I found their Music not disagreeable.

I had learned in my Youth to play a little upon the Spinet. Glumdalclitch kept one in her Chamber, and a Mafter attended twice a Week to teach her: I call it a Spinet, because it somewhat refembled that Inftrument, and was played upon in the fame Manner. A Fancy came into my Head that I would entertain the King and Queen with an English Tune upon this Inftrument. But this ap peared extremely difficult: For the Spinet was near fixty Feet long, each Key being almost a Foot wide, fo that, with my Arms extended, I could not reach to above five Keys, and to press them down required a good fmart Stroak with my Fift, which would be too great a Labour, and to no Purpose. The Method I contrived was this I prepared two round Sticks about the Bignefs of common Cudgels; they were thicker at one End than the other, and I covered the thick

er

er Ends with a Piece of a Moufe's Skin, that, by rapping on them, I might neither damage the Tops of the Keys, nor interrupt the Sound. Before the Spinet a Bench was placed about four Feet below the Keys, and I was put upon the Bench. I ran fideling upon it that Way and this, as fast as I could, banging the proper Keys with my two Sticks, and made a Shift to play a Jigg, to the great Satisfaction of both their Majefties: But it was the most violent Exercife I ever underwent, and yet I could not ftrike above fixteen Keys, nor, confequently, play the Bafs and Treble together, as other Artists do; which was a great Difadvantage to my Performance.

The King, who, as I before obferved, was a Prince of excellent Understanding, would frequently order that I fhould be brought in my Box, and fet upon the Table in his Clofet: He would then command me to bring one of my Chairs out of the Box, and fit down within three Yards Diftance upon the Top of the Cabinet, which brought me almoft to a Level with his Face. In this Manner I had feveral Converfations with him. I one Day took the Freedom to tell his Majefty, that the Contempt he discovered towards Europe, and the reft of the World, did not feem answerable to thofe excellent Qualities of Mind he was Mafter of. That Reafon did not extend itself with the Bulk of the Body: On the Contrary, we obferved in our Country, that the tallest Perfons were ufually leaft provided with it. That, among other Animals, Bees and Ants had the Reputation of more Induftry, Art, and Sagacity, than many of the larger Kinds; and that, as inconfiderable as he took me to be, I hoped I might live to do his Majefty fome fignal Service. The

King heard me with Attention, and began to conceive a much better Opinion of me than he had ever before. He defired I would give him as exact an Account of the Government of England, as I poffibly could; becaufe, as fond as Princes commonly are of their own Cultoms (for fo he conjectured of other Monarchs by my former Difcourfes) he fhould be glad to hear of any Thing that might deferve Imitation.

Imagine with thyfelf, courteous Reader, how often I then wifhed for the Tongue of Demofthenes or Cicero, that might have enabled me to celebrate the Praise of my own dear native Country, in a Style equal to its Merits and Felicity.

I began my Difcourfe, by informing his Majefty, that our Dominions confifted of two Islands, which compofed three mighty Kingdoms under one Sovereign, befides our Plantations in America. I dwelt long upon the Fertility of our Soil, and the Temperature of our Climate. I then fpoke at large upon the Conftitution of an English Parliament, partly made up of an illuftrious Body called the Houfe of Peers, Perfons of the noblest Blood, and of the most antient and ample Patri. monies. I defcribed that extraordinary Care always taken of their Education in Arts and Arms, to qualify them for being Counsellors both to the King and Kingdom; to have a Share in the Legiflature; to be Members of the higheft Court of Judicature, from whence there could be no Ap. peal; and to be Champions always ready for the Defence of their Prince and Country, by their Valour, Conduct, and Fidelity. That these were the Ornament and Bulwark of the Kingdom, worthy Followers of their most renowned Anceftors, whofe Honour had been the Reward of their Virtue,