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. Thus have I endeavoured to improve my dress in flattery, which makes it agreeable, understanding, and am desirous to communi. though never so gross : but of all flatterers, the cate my innocent discoveries to those, who, like most skilful is he who can do what you like, me, may distinguish themselves more to advan. without saying any thing which argues he does tage by their bodies than their minds. I do not it for your sake ; the most winning circumthink the pains I have taken in these my stu- stance in the world being the conformity of man. dies, thrown away, since by these means, ners. I speak of this as a practice necessary though I am not very valuable, I am however in gaining people of sense, who are not yet not disagreeable. Would gentlemen but reflect given up to self-conceit; those who are far gone upon what I say, they would take care to make in admiration of themselves, need not be treated the best of themselves; for I think it intolerable with so much delicacy. The following letter that a blockhead should be a sloven. Though puts this matter in a pleasant and uncommon every man cannot fill his head with learning, it light: the author of it attacks this vice with an is in any one's power to wear a pretty periwig; air of compliance, and alarms us against it by let him who cannot say a witty thing, keep his exhorting us to it. teeth white at least; he who hath no knack at writing sonnets, may however have a soft
• To the Guardian. hand; and he may arch his eye-brows, who hath not strength of genius for the mathematics. “SIR,—As you profess to encourage all those
• After the conclusion of the peace, we shall who any way contribute to the public good, I undoubtedly have new fashions from France; flatter myself I may claim your countenance and I have some reason to think that some par- and protection. I am by profession a mad. ticularities in the garb of their abbès may be doctor, but of a peculiar kind, not of those whose transplanted hither to advantage. What I find aim it is to remove frenzies, but one who makes becoming in their dress I hope I may, without it my business to confer an agreeable madness the imputation of being popishly inclined, adopt on my fellow-creatures, for their mutual delight into our habits; but would willingly have the and benefit. Since it is agreed by the philosoauthority of the Guardian to countenance me phers, that happiness and misery consist chiefly in this harmless design. I would not hereby in the imagination, nothing is more necessary assume to myself a jurisdiction over any of our to mankind in general than this pleasing deli. youth, but such as are incapable of improvement rium, which renders every one satisfied with any other way. As for the awkward creatures himself, and persuades him that all others are that mind their studies, I look upon them as equally so. irreclaimable. But over the afore-mentioned I have for several years, both at home and order of men, I desire a commission from you abroad, made this science my particular study, to exercise full authority. Hereby, I shall be which I may venture to say I have improved in enabled from time to time to introduce several almost all the courts of Europe ; and have repretty oddnesses in the taking and tucking up duced it into so safe and easy a method, as to of gowns, to regulate the dimensions of wigs, practise it on both sexes, of what disposition, to vary the tufts upon caps, and to enlarge or age, or quality soever, with success. What narrow the hems of bands, as I shall think enables me to perform this great work, is the most for the public good.
use of my Obsequium Catholicon, or the Grand I have prepared a treatise against the cravat Elixir, to support the spirits of human nature. and berdash,* which I am told is not ill done ; This remedy is of the most grateful flavour in and have thrown together some hasty observa- the world, and agrees with all tastes whatever. tions upon stockings, which my friends assure It is delicate to the senses, delightful in the me I need not be ashamed of. But I shall not operation, may be taken at all hours without offer them to the public until they are approved confinement, and is as properly given at a ball of at our female club; which I am the more or playhouse as in a private chamber. It re. willing to do, because I am sure of their praise ; stores and vivifies the most dejected minds, corfor they own I understand these things better rects and extracts all that is painful in the than they do. I shall herein be very proud of knowledge of a man's self. One dose of it will your encouragement; for, next to keeping the instantly disperse itself through the whole ani. university clean, my greatest ambition is to be mal system, dissipate the first motions of disthought, sir, your most obedient humble servant, trust so as never to return, and so exhilirate the SIMON SLEEK.' brain and rarify the gloom of reflection, as to
give the patients a new flow of spirits, a viva.
city of behaviour, and a pleasing dependence Tuesday, March 24, 1713.
upon their own capacities.
· Lét a person be never so far gone, I advise -Huc propius me,
him not to despair; even though he has been Dum doceo insanire omnes, vos ordine adite. troubled many years with restless reflections,
which by long neglect have hardened into setAttend my lecture whilst I plainly show,
tled consideration. Those that have been stung That all mankind are mad, from high to low.
with satire may here find a certain antidote, There is an oblique way of reproof, which which infallibly disperses all the remains of takes off from the sharpness of it; and an ad- poison that has been left in the understanding
by bad cures. It fortifies the heart against the • A kind of neckcloth so called, whence such as soia rancour of pamphlets, the inveteracy of epi. wiem were styled haberdashers.
grams, and the mortification of lampoons ; as
Hor. Lib. 2. Sat. iii. 80.
has been often experienced by several persons | numerable cures I have performed within twenty of both sexes, during the seasons of Tunbridge days last past; but rather proceed to exhort al and the Bath.
persons of whatever age, complexion, or quality 'I could, as farther instances of my success, to take as soon as possible of this my intellec produce certificates and testimonials from the tual oil : which, applied at the ear, seizes all the favourites and ghostly fathers of the most emi. senses with a most agreeable transport, and dis nent princes of Europe: but shall content my covers its effects, not only to the satisfaction of self with the mention of a few cures, which I the patient, but all who converse with, attend have performed by this my grand universal re- upon, or any way relate to him or her that re, storative, during the practice of one month only ceives the kindly infection. It is often admi. since I came to this city.
nistered by chamber-maids, valets, or any the
most ignorant domestic; it being one peculiar Cures in the month of February, 1713. excellence of this my oil, that it is most preva.
lent, the more unskilful the person is or appears George Spondee, esq. poet, and inmate of who applies it. It is absolutely necessary for the parish of St. Paul's Covent-garden, fell into ladies to take a dose of it just before they take violent fits of the spleen upon a thin third night. coach to go a visiting. He had been frightened into a vertigo by the • But I offend the public, as Horace said, when sound of cat-calls on the first day; and the fre. I trespass on any of your time. Give me leave quent hissings on the second made him unable then, Mr. Ironside, to make you a present of a to endure the bare pronunciation of the letter dram or two of my oil; though
have cause S. I searched into the causes of his distemper; to fear my prescriptions will not have the effect and by the prescription of a dose of my Obse- upon you I could wish: therefore I do not en quium, prepared secundum artem, recovered him deavour to bribe you in my favour by the pre. to his natural state of madness. I cast in at sent of my oil, but wholly depend upon your proper intervals the words, Ill taste of the town, public spirit and generosity; which, I hope, will: Envy of Critics, Bad performance of the actors, recommend to the world the useful endeavoursso and the like. He is so perfectly cured, that he of, sir, your most obedient, most faithful, mostie has promised to bring another play upon the devoted, most humble servant and admirer, stage next winter,
"GNATHO. • A lady of professed virtue, of the parish of St. James's, Westminster, who hath desired her
Beware of counterfeits, for such are name may be concealed, having taken offence abroad. at a phrase of double meaning in conversation, undiscovered by any other in the company, sud N. B. I teach the arcana of my art at readenly fell into a cold fit of modesty. Upon a sonable rates to gentlemen of the universities, right application of praise of her virtue, I threw who desire to be qualified for writing dedicathe lady into an agreeable waking dream, set- tions; and to young lovers and fortune-hunters, tled the fermentation of her blood into a warm to be paid at the day of marriage. I instruct charity, so as to make her look with patience on persons of bright capacities to flatter others, the very gentleman that offended.
and those of the meanest, to flatter themselves. Hilaria, of the parish of St. Giles's in the I was the first inventor of pocket looking. fields, a coquette of long practice, was, by the glasses.' reprimand of an old maiden, reduced to look grave in company, and deny herself the play of the fan. In short, she was brought to such
Wednesday, March 25, 1713. melancholy circumstances, that she would some. times unawares fall into devotion at church. I
Vel quia nil rectum, nisi quod placuit sibi, ducunt : advised her to take a few innocent freedoms Vel quia turpe putant parere minoribuswith occasional kisses, prescribed her the exer
Hor. Lib. 2. Ep. i. 34. cise of the eyes, and immediately raised her to her former state of life. She on a sudden re.
You'd think no fools disgraced the former reign, covered her dimples, furled her fan, threw round
Did not some grave examples yet remain,
Who scorn a lad should match his father's skill, her glances, and for these two Sundays last past And having once been wrong, will be so still. Pope. has not once been seen in an attentive posture. This, the churchwardens are ready to attest WHEN a poem makes its first appearance in
the world, I have always observed that it gives • Andrew Terror, of the Middle temple, mo. employment to a greater number of critics than hock, was almost induced by an aged bencher any other kind of writing. Whether it be that of the same house, to leave off bright conversa. most men, at some time of their lives, have tried tion, and pore over Coke upon Littleton. He their talent that way, and thereby think they was so ill that his hat began to flap, and he was have a right to judge; or whether they imaseen one day in the last term at Westminster- gine, that their making shrewd observations hall. This patient had quite lost his spirit of upon the polite arts, gives them a pretty figure; contradiction; I, by the distillation of a few of or whether there may not be soine jealousy and my vivifying drops in his ear, drew him from caution in bestowing applause upon those who his lethargy, and restored him to his usual vi. write chiefly for fame. Whatever the reasons vacious misunderstanding. He is at present be, we find few discouraged by the delicacy and very easy in his condition.
danger of such an undertaking. • I will not dwell upon the recital of the in. I think it certain that most men are naturally
not only capable of being pleased with that than the ancients have done. If, for example, which raises agreeable pictures in the fancy, I was to describe the general's horse at the but willing also to own it. But then there are battle of Blenheim as my fancy represented such many, who, by false application of some rules a noble beast, and that description should reill understood, or out of deference to men whose semble what Virgil hath drawn for the horse of opinions they value, have formed to themselves his hero, it would be almost as ill-natured to certain schemes and systems of satisfaction, and urge that I had stolen my description from Virwill not be pleased out of their own way. These gil, as to reproach the duke of Marlborough for are not critics themselves, but readers of critics, fighting only like Æneas. All that the most who, without the labour of perusing authors, are exquisite judgment can perform is, out of that able to give their characters in general; and great variety of circumstances wherein natural know just as much of the several species of objects may be considered, to select the most poetry, as those who read books of geography beautiful ; and to place images in such views do of the genius of this or that people or nation. and lights as will affect the fancy after the most These gentlemen deliver their opinions senten- delightful manner. But over and above a just tiously, and in general terms; to which it being painting of nature, a learned reader will find a impossible readily to frame complete answers, new beauty superadded in a happy imitation of they have often the satisfaction of leaving the some famous ancient, as it revives in his mind board in triumph. As young persons, and par. the pleasure he took in his first reading such ticularly the ladies, are liable to be led aside by an author. Such copyings as these give that these tyrants in wit, I shall examine two or kind of double delight which we perceive when three of the many stratagems they use, and sub- we look upon the children of a beautiful couple ; join such precautions as may hinder candid where the eye is not more charmed with the symreaders from being deceived thereby.
metry of the parts, than the mind by observing The first I shall take notice of is an objection the resemblance transmitted
from parents to their commonly offered, viz..that such a poem hath offspring, and the mingled features of the father indeed some good lines in it, but it is not a re- and mother. The phrases of holy writ, and gular piece. This, for the most part, is urged allusions to several passages in the inspired by those whose knowledge is drawn from some writings (though not produced as proofs of docfamous French critics, who have written upon trine) add majesty and authority to the noblest the epic poem, the drama, and the great kinds discourses of the pulpit : in like manner, an of poetry, which cannot subsist without great imitation of the air of Homer and Virgil, raises regularity; but ought by no means to be re- the dignity of modern poetry, and makes it apquired in odes, epistles, panegyrics, and the pear stately and venerable. like, which naturally admit of greater liberties. The last observation I shall make at present The enthusiasm in odes, and the freedom of is upon the disgust taken by those critics, who epistles, is rarely disputed: but I have often put on their clothes prettily, and dislike every heard the poems upon public occasions, written thing that is not written with ease. I hereby
which I choose to call panegyrics, therefore give the genteel part of the learned severely censured upon this account; the rea- world to understand, that every thought which son whereof I cannot guess, unless it be, that is agreeable to nature, and expressed in lanbecause they are written in the same kind of guage suitable to it, is written with ease. There numbers and spirit as an epic poem, they ought are some things which must be written with
therefore to have the same regularity. Now strength, which nevertheless are easy. The an epic poem consisting chiefly in narration, it statne of the gladiator, though represented in 13 necessary that the incidents should be related such a posture as strains every muscle, is as in the same order that they are supposed to have easy as that of Venus; because the one expresses been transacted. But in works of the above. strength and fury as naturally as the other doth mentioned kind, there is no more reason that beauty and softness. The passions are some. soch order should be observed, than that an ora- times to be roused, as well as the fancy to be tion should be as methodical as a history. I think entertained ; and the soul to be exalted and enit sufficient that the great hints suggested from larged, as well as soothed. This often requires the subject, be so disposed, that the first may a raised and figurative style ; which readers of naturally prepare the reader for what follows, low apprehensions, or soft and languid dispoand so on ; and that their places cannot be sitions (having heard of the words, fustian and changed without disadvantage to the whole. I bombast) are apt to reject as stiff and affected will add further, that sometimes gentle devia- language. But nature and reason appoint diftions, sometimes bold, and even abrupt digres- ferent garbs for different things; and since I sions, where the dignity of the subject seems to write this to the men of dress, I will ask them give the impulse, are proofs of a noble genius; if a soldier who is to mount a breach, should be es winding about and returning artfully to the adorned like a beau, who is spruced up for a ball ? main design are marks of address and dexterity. Another artifice made use of by pretenders to No. 13.)
Thursday, March 26, 1713. criticism, is an insinuation, that all that is good is borrowed from the ancients. This is very
Pudore et liberalitate liberos cornmon in the mouths of pedants, and perhaps
Retinere, satius esse credo, quam metu.
Ter. Adelph. Act i. Sc. 1. 11 their hearts too; but is often urged by men I esteem it better to keep children in awe by a sense of no great learning, for reasons very obvious. or shaine, and a condescension to their inclinations, Now nature being still the same, it is impossible
than by fear. for any modern writer to paint her otherwise The reader has had some account of the
in heroic verse,
whole family of the Lizards, except the younger of the adversary; and when each has proposed sons. These are the branches which ordinarily the decision of the matter, by any whom the spread themselves, when they happen to be other should name, he has taken hold of the ochopeful, into other houses, and new generations, casion, and put on the authority assigned by as honourable, numerous, and wealthy, as those them both, so seasonably, that they have begun from whence they are derived. For this reason a new correspondence with each other, fortified it is, that a very peculiar regard is to be had to by his friendship to whom they both owe the their education.
value they have for one another, and conse. Young men, when they are good for any quently, confer a greater measure of their goodthing, and left to their own inclinations, delight will upon the interposer. I must repeat, that either in those accomplishments we call their above all, my young man is excellent at raising, exercise, in the sports of the field, or in letters. the subject on which he speaks, and casting a Mr. Thomas, the second son, does not follow light upon it more agreeable to his company, any of these with too deep an attention, but than they thought the subject was capable of. took to each of them enough never to appear He avoids all emotion and violence, and never ungraceful or ignorant. This general inclina. is warm, but on an affectionate occasion. Gention makes him the more agreeable, and saves tleness is what peculiarly distinguishes him him from the imputation of pedantry. His car. from other men, and it runs through all his riage is so easy, that he is acceptable to all with words and actions. whom he converses; he generally falls in with Mr. William, the next brother, is not of this the inclination of his company, is never assum-smooth make, nor so ready to accommodate him. ing, or prefers himself to others. Thus he self to the humours and inclinations of other always gains favour without envy, and has every men, but to weigh what passes with some seman's good wishes. It is remarkable, that from verity. He is ever searching into the first springs. his birth to this day, though he is now four-and- and causes of any action or circumstance, insotwenty, I do not remember that he has ever had much, that if it were not to be expected that ex. a debate with any of his play-fellows or friends. perience and conversation would allay that hu.
His thoughts, and present applications are to mour, it must inevitably turn him to ridicule. get into a court life; for which, indeed, I can. But it is not proper to break in upon an inqui. not but think him peculiarly formed ; for he has sitive temper, that is of use to him in the way joined to this complacency of manners a great of life which he proposes to himself, to wit, the natural sagacity, and can very well distinguish study of the law, and the endeavour to arrive between things and appearances. That way of at a faculty in pleading. I have been very care. life, wherein all men are rivals, demands great ful to kill in him any pretensions to follow men circumspection to avoid controversies arising already eminent, any farther than as their sucfrom different interests; but he who is by na cess is an encouragement; but make it my en. ture of a flexible temper has his work half done. deavour to cherish, in the principal and first I have been particularly pleased with his beha- place, his eager pursuit of solid knowledge in viour towards women : he has the skill, in their his profession: for I think that clear conception conversation, to converse with them as a man will produce clear expression, and clear expreswould with those from whom he might have ex- sion proper action: I never saw a man speak pectations, but without making requests. I do very well, where I could not apparently observe not know that I ever heard him make what they this, and it shall be a maxim with me till I see call a compliment, or be particular in his ad- an instance to the contrary. When young and dress to any lady; and yet I never heard any unexperienced men take any particular person woman speak of him but with a peculiar regard. for their pattern, they are apt to imitate them. I believe he has been often beloved, but know in such things, to which their want of knownot that was ever yet a lover. The great se. ledge makes them attribute success, and not to cret among them, is to be amiable without de. the real causes of it. Thus one may have an sign. He has a voluble speech, a vacant coun- air, which proceeds from a just sufficiency and tenance, and easy action, which represents the knowledge of the matter before him, which may fact which he is relating with greater delight naturally produce some motion of his head and than it would have been to have been present at body, which might become the bench better than the transaction which he recounts. For you see the bar. How painfully wrong would this be in it not only your own way by the bare narration, a youth, at his first appearance, when it is not but have the additional pleasure of his sense of well even for the sergeant of the greatest weight it, by this manner of representing it. There and dignity. But I will, at this time, with a are mixed in his talk so many pleasant ironies, hint only of his way of life, leave Mr. William that things which deserve the severest language at his study in the temple. are made ridiculous instead of odious, and you The youngest son, Mr. John, is now in the see every thing in the most good-natured aspect twentieth year of his age, and has had the good it can bear. It is wonderfully entertaining to fortune and honour to be chosen last election me to hear him so exquisitely pleasant, and fellow of All-souls college in Oxford. He is very never say an ill-natured thing. He is, with all graceful in his person ; has height, strength, vi. his acquaintance, the person generally chosen gour, and a certain cheerfulness and serenity to reconcile any difference, and if it be capable that creates a sort of love, which people at first of accommodation, Tom Lizard is an unexcep-sight observe is ripening into esteem. He has tionable referee. It has happened to him more a sublime vein in poetry, and a warm manner in than once, that he has been employed by each recommending, either in speech or writing, opposite in a private manner, to feel the pulse whatever he has earnestly at heart. This ex.
Nor did he know
cellent young man has deroted himself to the they met accidentally in the fields with two service of his Creator; and, with an aptitude to young ladies, whose conversation they were every agreeable quality, and every happy talent, very much pleased with, and being desirous to that could make a man shine in a court, or com- ingratiate themselves further into their favour, mand in a camp, he is resolved to go into holy prevailed with them, though they had never seen orders. He is inspired with a true sense of that them before in their lives, to take the air in a function, when chosen from a regard to the in- coach of their father's which waited for them at terests of piety and virtue, and a scorn of what the end of Gray's-inn-lane. The youths ran ever men call great in a transitory being, when with the wings of love, and ordered the coach. it comes in coinpetition with what is unchange man to wait at the town's end till they came able and eternal. Whatever men would under. back. One of our young gentlemen got up betake from a passion to glory, whatever they fore, and the other behind, to act the parts they would do for the service of their country, this had long, by the direction and example of their youth has a mind prepared to achieve for the comrades, taken much pains to qualify thernsalvation of souls. What gives me great hopes selves for, and so gallopped off. What these that he will one day make an extraordinary mean entertainments will end in, it is impossi. figure in the Christian world is, that his inven- ble to foresee ; but a precaution upon that subtion, his memory, judgment, and imagination, ject might prevent very great calamities in a are always employed upon this one view; and I very worthy family, who take in your papers, do not doubt, but in my future precautions, to and might perhaps be alarmed at what you lay present the youth of this age with more agree. before them upon this subject. I am, sir, your able narrations compiled by this young man on
most humble servant,
T. Š. the subject of heroic piety, than any they can
· To the Guardian. meet with in the legends of love and honour.
SIR,—I writ to you on the twenty-first of
this month, which you did not think fit to take Friday, March 27, 1713.
notice of; it gives me the greater trouble that
you did not, because I am confident the father Nec sit, qua sit iter, nec si sciat imperet
of the young lads whom I mentioned, would Ovid. Met. Lib. ii. 170. have considered how far what was said in my
letter concerned himself; upon which it is now Which way to turn the reins, or where to go; too late to reflect. His ingenious son, the coach. Nor would the horses, had he known, obey. man, aged seventeen years, has since that time,
ran away with, and married one of the girls I "To the Guardian.
spoke of in my last. The manner of carrying Sir,—You having in your first paper de. on the intrigue, as I have picked it out of the clared, among other things, that you will pub- younger brother, who is almost sixteen, still a lish whatever you
may conduce to the ad- bachelor, was as follows. One of the young wovancement of the conversation of gentlemen, I men whom they met in the fields seemed very cannot but hope you will give my young mas much taken with my master, the elder son, and ters, when I have told you their age, condition, was prevailed with to go into a cake-house not and how they lead their lives, and who, though far off the town. The girl, it seems, acted her I say it, are as docile as any youths in Europe, part so well, as to enamour the boy, and make a lesson which they very much want, to restrain him inquisitive into her place of abode, with all them from the infection of bad company, and other questions which were necessary toward squandering away their time in idle and unwor further intimacy. The matter was so managed, thy pursuits. A word from you, I am very well that the lad was made to believe there was no assured, will prevail more with them than any possibility of conversing with her, by reason of remonstrance they will meet with at home. a very severe mother, but with the utmost cauThe eldest is now about seventeen years of age, tion. What, it seems, made the mother, for. and the younger fifteen, born of noble parentage, sooth, the more suspicious was, that because the and to plentiful fortunes. They have a very men said her daughter was pretty, somebody or good father and mother, and also a governor, other would persuade her to marry while she but come very seldom (except against their wills) was too young to know how to govern a family. in the sight of any of them. That which I ob- By what I can learn from pretences as shallow serve they have most relish to, is horses and as this, she appeared so far from having a design cock-fighting, which they too well understand, upon her lover, that it seemed impracticable to being almost positive at first sight to tell you him to get her, except it were carried on with which horse will win the match, and which cock much secrecy and skill. Many were the interthe battle; and if you are of another opinion, views these lovers had in four-and-twenty hours will lay you what you please on their own, and time : for it was managed by the mother, that it is odds but you lose. What I fear to be the he should run in and out as unobserved by her, greatest prejudice to them, is their keeping and the girl be called every other instant into much closer to their horses' heels than their the next room, and rated (that she could not stay books, and conversing more with their stable. in a place) in his hearing. The young gentle. men and lackies than with their relations and man was at last so much in love, as to be thought gentlemen : and, I apprehend, are at this time by the daughter engaged far enough to put it to better skilled how to hold the reins and drive as the venture that he could not live without her. coach, than to translate a verse in Virgil or Ho- It was now time for the mother to appear, who race
. For, the other day, taking a walk abroad, I surprised the lovers together in private, and ba