« PreviousContinue »
multitudes of beholders. Instead of this, I shall | sexes like the outside of a pigeon-house. No present my reader with the following letter thing would be more frequent than to see a beau from an artist, who is now taken up with this Aying in at a garret window, or a gallant giving invention, and conceals his true name under chace to his mistress, like a hawk after a larki that of Dædalus.
There would be no walking in a shady wood
without springing a covey of toasts. The poor • MR. IRONSIDE,-Knowing that you are a husband could not dream what was doing over great encourager of ingenuity, I think fit to ac- his head. If he were jealous, indeed, he might quaint you, that I have made a considerable clip his wife's wings, but what would this avail progress in the art of flying. I flutter about my when there were flocks of whore-masters per. room two or three hours in a morning, and when petually hovering over his house? What conmy wings are on, can go above a hundred yards cern would the father of a family be in all the at a hop, step, and jump. I can fly already as well time his daughter was upon the wing? Every as a turkey.cock, and improve every day. If I heiress must have an old woman flying at her proceed as I have begun, I intend to give the heels. In short, the whole air would be full of world a proof of my proficiency in this art. this kind of gibier, as the French call it. I do Upon the next public thanksgiving day it is my allow, with my correspondent, that there would design to sit astride the dragon upon Bow stee- be much more business done than there is at ple, from whence, after the first discharge of the present. However, should he apply for such a Tower guns, I intend to mount into the air, fly patent as he speaks of, I question not but there over Fleet-street, and pitch upon the May-pole would be more petitions out of the city against in the Strand. From thence, by a gradual de it
, than ever yet appeared against any other mo. scent, I shall make the best of my way for St.nopoly whatsoever. Every tradesman that can James's-park, and light upon the ground near not keep his wife a coach, could keep her a pair Rosamond's-pond. This I doubt not will con- of wings, and there is no doubt but she would vince the world that I am no pretender ; but be every morning and evening taking the air before I set out, I shall desire to have a patent with them. for making of wings, and that none shall pre I have here only considered the ill conse. sume to Ay, under pain of death, with wings of quences of this invention in the influence it any other man's making. I intend to work for would have on love affairs. I have many more the court myself, and will have journeymen'un objections to make on other accounts ;
but these der me to furnish the rest of the nation. I like. I shall defer publishing until I see my friend wise desire that I may have the sole teaching astride the dragon. of persons of quality, in which I shall spare neither time nor pains until I have made them as expert as myself. I will fly with the women upon my back for the first fortnight. I shall
Tuesday, July 21, 1713. appear at the next masquerade dressed up in my feathers and plumage like an Indian prince,
Institui, currente rota, cur urceus exit ? that the quality may see how pretty they will
Hor. Ars Poet. ver. 21, look in their travelling habits. You know, sir, there is an unaccountable prejudice to projectors
When you begin with so much pomp and show,
Why is the end so little and so low? of all kinds, for which reason when I talk of practising to fly, silly people think me an owl for my pains; but, sir, you know better things. I last night received a letter from an honest I need not enumerate to you the benefits which citizen, who it seems is in his honey-moon. It will accrue to the public from this invention ; is written by a plain man on a plain subject
, as how the roads of England will be saved when but has an air of good sense and natural honesty we travel through these new highways, and how in it, which may perhaps please the public as all family accounts will be lessened in the arti- much as myselt. I shall not therefore scruple cle of coaches and horses. I need not mention the giving it a place in my paper, which is des posts and packet-boats, with many other conve- signed for common use, and for the benefit of niences of life, which will be supplied this way. the poor as well as rich. In short, sir, when mankind are in possession of this art, they will be able to do more business
'Cheapside, July 18 in threescore and ten years, than they could do "Good MR. IRONSIDE, I have lately married a in a thousand by the methods now in use. I very pretty body, who being something younger therefore recommend myself and art to your and richer than myself, I was advised to go 3 patronage, and am your most humble servant.' wooing to her in a finer suit of clothes than ever
I wore in my life ; for I love to dress plain, and I have fully considered the project of these suitable to a man of my rank. However, I gain
. our modern Dedalists, and am resolved so far ed her heart by it. Upon the wedding day I pot to discourage it, as to prevent any person from myself, according to custom, in another suit
, flying in my time. It would fill the world with fire-new, with silver buttons to it. I am so out innumerable immoralities, and give such occa- of countenance among my neighbours upon be: sions for intrigues as people cannot meet with ing so fine, that I heartily wish my clothes well who have nothing but legs to carry them. You worn out. I fancy every body observes me as should have a couple of lovers make a midnight I walk the street, and long to be in my old plain assignation upon the top of the monument, and gear again. Besides, forsooth, they have put see the cupola of St. Paul's covered with both Ime in a silk night-gown and a gaudy fool's cap,
and make me now and then stand in the win- time of courtship. His natural temper and good dow with it. I am ashamed to be dandled thus, breeding hindered him from doing any thing and cannot look in the glass without blushing disagreeable, as his sincerity and frankness of to see myself turned into such a pretty little behaviour made him converse with her, before master. They tell me I must appear in my marriage, in the same manner he intended to wedding-suit for the first month at least; after continue to do afterwards. Tom would often which I am resolved to come again to my every tell her, “Madam, you see what a sort of man I day's clothes, for at present every day is Sunday am. If you will take me with all my faults with me. Now, in my mind, Mr. Ironside, this about me, I promise to mend rather than grow is the wrongest way of proceeding in the world. worse.' I remember Tom was once hinting his When a man's person is new and unaccustomed dislike of some little trifle his mistress had said to a young body, he does not want any thing or done. Upon which she asked him, how he else to set him off. The novelty of the lover has would talk to her after marriage, if he talked at more charms than a wedding-suit. I should this rate before? No, madam,' says Tom, 'I think, therefore, that a man should keep his mention this now because you are at your own finery for the latter seasons of marriage, and not disposal; were you at mine I should be too gebegin to dress until the honey-moon is over. I nerous to do it.' In short, Tom succeeded, and have observed at a lord mayor's feast that the has ever since been better than his word. The sweet-meats do not make their appearance until | lady has been disappointed on the right side, people are cloyed with beef and mutton, and be- and has found nothing more disagreeable in the gin to lose their stomachs. But instead of this, husband than she discovered in the lover. I we serve up delicacies to our guests, when their appetites are keen, and coarse diet when their bellies are full. As bad as I hate my silver. buttoned coat and silk night-gown, I am afraid
Wednesday, July 22, 1713. of leaving them off, not knowing whether my
Alveos accipite, et ceris opus infundite: wife will not repent of her marriage when she
Fuci recusant, apibus conditio placet. sees what a plain man she has to her husband.
Phædr. Lib. 3. Fab. xiii. 9. Pray, Mr. Ironside, write something to prepare Take the hives, and empty your work into the combs; her for it, and let me know whether you think The drones refuse, the bees accept the proposal. she can ever love me in a hair button. I am, &c.
• P. S. I forgot to tell you of my white gloves, I THINK myself obliged to acquaint the public which they say too, I must wear all the first that the lion's head, of which I advertised them month.'
about a fortnight ago, is now erected at Button's
coffee-house in Russel-street, Covent-garden, My correspondent's observations are very where it opens its mouth at all hours for the re. just, and may be useful in low life ; but to turn ception of such intelligence as shall be thrown them to the advantage of people in higher sta- into it. It is reckoned an excellent piece of tions, I shall raise the moral, and observe some workmanship, and was designed by a great thing parallel to the wooing and wedding-suit, hand in imitation of the antique Egyptian lion, in the behaviour of persons of figure. After the face of it being compounded out of that of long experience in the world, and reflections a lion and a wizard. The features are strong upon mankind, I find one particular occasion of and well furrowed. The whiskers are admired unhappy marriages, which, though very com- by all that have seen them. It is planted on mon, is not very much attended to. What I the western side of the coffee-house, holding its mean is this: Every man in the time of court. paws under the chin upon a box, which contains ship, and in the first entrance of marriage, puts every thing that he swallows. He is indeed a on a behaviour like my correspondent's holiday proper emblem of knowledge and action, being suit, which is to last no longer than until he is all head and paws. I need not acquaint my settled in the possession of his mistress. He readers, that my lion, like a moth, or bookresigns his inclinations and understanding to worm, feeds upon nothing but paper, and shall her humour and opinion. He neither loves nor only beg of them to diet him with wholesome hates, nor talks, nor thinks, in contradiction to and substantial food. , I must, therefore, desire, her. He is controlled by a nod, mortified by a that they will not gorge him either with nonfrown, and transported by a smile. The poor sense or obscenity; and must likewise insist, young lady falls in love with this supple crea. that his mouth be not defiled with scandal, for ture, and expects of him the same behaviour for I would not make use of him to revile the hu. life. In a little time she finds that he has a will man species, and satirise those who are his betof his own, that he pretends to dislike what she ters. I shall not suffer him to worry any man's approves, and that instead of treating her like a reputation, nor indeed fall on any person whatgoddess, he uses her like a woman. What still soever, such only excepted as disgrace the name makes the misfortune worse, we find the most of this generous animal, and under the title of abject flatterers degenerate into the greatest ty- lions contrive the ruin of their fellow-subjects.
This naturally fills the spouse with súl. I must desire, likewise, that intriguers will not lenness and discontent, spleen and vapour, make a pimp of my lion, and by his means conwhich, with a little discreet management, make vey their thoughts to one another. Those who a very comfortable marriage. I very much ap- are read in the history of the popes observe, prove of my friend Tom Truelove in this par. that the Leos have been the best, and the Innoticular. Tom made love to a woman of sense, cents the worst of that species, and I hope that and always treated her as such during the whole I shall not be thought to derogate from my
lion's character, by representing him as such a are the inconveniences that accrue to her ma. peaceable, good-natured, well-designing beast. jesty's loving subjects from the said petticoats,
I intend to publish once every week, the as hurting men's shins, sweeping down the roarings of the lion,' and hope to make him wares of industrious females in the streets, &c. roar so loud as to be heard over all the British I saw a young lady fall down the other day; nation.
and believe me, sir, she very much resembled If my correspondents will do their parts in an overturned bell without a clapper. Many prompting him, and supplying him with suit. other disasters I could tell you of, that befall able provision, I question not but the lion's head themselves as well as others, by means of this will be reckoned the best head in England. unwieldy garment. I wish, Mr. Guardian, you
There is a notion generally received in the would join with me in showing your dislike of world, that a lion is a dangerous creature to all such a monstrous fashion, and I hope when the women who are not virgins : which may have ladies see it is the opinion of two of the wisest given occasion to a foolish report, that my lion's men in England, they will be convinced of their jaws are so contrived, as to snap the hands of folly. I am, sir, your daily reader and admirer, any of the female sex, who are not thus quali.
· TOM PLAIN.' fied to approach it with safety. I shall not spend much time in exposing the falsity of this report, which I believe will not weigh any thing
No. 115.) with women of sense: I shall only say, that
Thursday, July 23, 1713. there is not one of the sex in all the neighbour
Ingenium par materiæ Juv. Sat. i. 151. hood of Covent-garden, who may not put her
A genius equal to the subject. hand in his mouth with the same security as if she were a vestal. However, that the ladies W:IEN I read rules of criticism I immediately may not be deterred from corresponding with inquire after the works of the author who has me by this method, I must acquaint them that written them, and by that means discover what the coffee man has a little danghter of about it is he likes in a composition ; for there is no four years old, who has been virtuously educated, question but every man aims at least, at what and will lend her hand upon this occasion to he thinks beautiful in others. If I find by his any lady that shall desire it of her.
own manner of writing that he is heavy and In the mean time I must further acquaint my tasteless, I throw aside his criticisms with a fair readers, that I have thoughts of making a secret indignation, to see a man without genius further provision for them at my ingenious or politeness dictating to the world on subjects friend Mr. Motteux's, or at Corticelli's, or some which I find are above his reach. other place frequented by the wits and beauties If the critic has published nothing but rules of the sex. As I have here a lion's head for and observations in criticism, I then consider the men, I shall there erect a unicorn's head whether there be a propriety and elegance in for the ladies, and will so contrive it, that they his thoughts and words, clearness and delicacy may put in their intelligence at the top of the in his remarks, wit and good breeding in his horn, which shall convey it into a little recepta. raillery; but if in the place of all these, I find cle at the bottom prepared for that purpose. nothing but dogmatical stupidity, I must beg Out of these two magazines I shall supply the such a writer's pardon if I have no manner of town from time to time, with what may tend to deference for his judgment, and refuse to contheir edification, and at the same time, carry form myself to his taste. on an epistolary correspondence between the two heads, not a little beneficial both to the So Macer and Mundungus school the times,
And write in rugged prose the softer rules of rhymes, public and to myself. As both these monsters
Well do they play the careful critic's part, will be very insatiable, and devour great quan. Instructing doubly by their matchless art: tities of paper, there will no small use redound Rules for good verse they first with pains indite, from them to that manufacture in particular.
Then show us what are bad by what they write.
Mr. Congreve to Sir R. Temple. The following letter having been left with the keeper of the lion, with a request from the The greatest critics among the ancients are writer that it may be the first morsel which is those who have the most excelled in all other put into his mouth, I shall communicate it to kinds of composition, and have shown the i the public as it came to my hand, without ex- height of good writing even in the precepts amining whether it be proper nourishment, as which they have given for it. I intend to do for the future.
Among the moderns, likewise, no critic has
ever pleased, or been looked upon as authentic • MR. GUARDIAN,—Your predecessor, the Spec- who did not show by his practice that he was a tator, endeavoured, but in vain, to improve the master of the theory. I have now one before charms of the fair sex, by exposing their dress mo, who, after having given many proofs of whenever it launched into extremities. Among his performances both in poetry and prose, the rest, the great petticoat came under his con- obliged the world with several critical works. sideration, but in contradiction to whatever he The author I mean is Strada. His prolusion on has said, they still resolutely persist in this the style of the most famous among the ancient fashion. The form of their bottom is not, I Latin poets who are extant, and have written confess, altogether the same; for whereas be- in epic verse, is one of the most entertaining, fore it was of an orbicular make, they now look as well as the most just pieces of criticism that as if they were pressed, so that they seem to de- I have ever read: I shall make the plan of it ny access to any part bu' the middle. Many | the subject of this day's paper.
Fortius et melius
Hor. Lib. 1 Sat. x. 14.
It is commonly known that pope Leo the not perhaps have been seen in this retirement, Tenth was a great patron of learning, and but that it was impossible to look upon Calliope, used to be present at the performances, conver- without seeing Virgil at the same time. sations, and disputes, of all the most polite wri. This poetical masquerade was no sooner ar. ters of his time. . Upon this bottom, Strada rived before the pope's villa, but they received founds the following narrative: When this pope an invitation to land, which they did accordwas at his villa, that stood upon an eminence ingly. The hall prepared for their reception on the banks of the Tiber, the poets contrived was filled with an audience of the greatest emi. the following pageant or machine for his enter. nence for quality and politeness. The poets tainment: They made a huge floating moun- took their places, and repeated each of them a tain, that was split at the top, in imitation of poem, written in the style and spirit of those Parnassus. There were several marks on it, immortal authors whom they represented. The that distinguished it for the habitation of heroic subject of these several poems, with the judgpoets. Of all the muses Calliope only made ment passed upon each of them, may be an her appearance. It was covered up and down agreeable entertainment for another day's paper. with groves of laurel. Pegasus appeared hang. ing off the side of a rock, with a fountain run. ning from his heel. This floating Parnassus fell down the river to the sound of trumpets,
Friday, July 24, 1713. and in a kind of epic measure, for it was rowed
Ridiculum acri forward by six huge wheels, three on each side, that by their constant motion carried on the
A jest in scorn points out, and hits the thing machine, until it arrived before the pope's villa. More home, than the morosest satire's sting.
The representatives of the ancient poets were disposed in stations suitable to their respective THERE are many little enormities in the characters. Statius was posted on the highest world which our preachers would be very glad of the two summits, which was fashioned in to see removed; but at the same time dare not the form of a precipice, and hung over the rest meddle with them, for fear of betraying the of the mountain in a dreadful manner, so that dignity of the pulpit. Should they recomiend people regarded him with the same terror and the tucker in a pathetic discourse, their aucuriosity as they look upon a daring rope-dancer diences would be apt to laugh out. I knew a whom they expect to fall every moment. parish, where the top woman of it used always
Claudian was seated on the other summit, to appear with a patch upon some part of her which was lower, and at the same time more forehead. The good man of the place preached smooth and even than the former. It was ob at it with great zeal for almost a twelvemonth; served likewise to be more barren,and to produce, but instead of fetching out the spot which he on some spots of it, plants that are unknown to perpetually aimed at, he only got the name of Italy, and such as the gardeners call exotics. Parson Patch for his pains. "Another is to this
Lucretius was very busy about the roots of day called by the name of Doctor Topknot, for the mountains, being wholly intent upon the reasons of the same nature. I remember the motion and management of the machine which clergy during the time of Cromwell's usurpawas under his conduct, and was indeed of his tion, were very much taken up in reforming the invention. He was sometimes so engaged female world, and showing the vanity of those among the wheels, and covered with machinery, outward ornaments in which the sex so much that not above half the poet appeared to the delights. I have heard a whole sermon against spectators, though at other times, by the work a whitewash, and have known a coloured riband ing of the engines, he was raised up, and be made the mark of the unconverted. The clergy came as conspicuous as any of the brotherhood of the present age are not transported with
Ovid did not settle in any particular place, these indiscreet fervours, as knowing that it is but ranged over all Parnassus with great nim- hard for a reformer to avoid ridicule, when he is bleness and activity. But as he did not much severe upon subjects which are rather apt to care for the toil and pains that were requisite to produce mirth than seriousness. For this reason climb the upper part of the hill, he was gene. I look upon myself to be of great use to these rally roving about the bottom of it.
good men. While they are employed in extir. But there was none who was placed in a more pating mortal sins, and crimes of a higher na. eminent station, and had a greater prospect un- ture, I should be glad to rally the world out of der him than Lucan. He vaulted upon Pega. indecencies and venial transgressions. While sus with all the heat and intrepidity of youth, the doctor is curing distempers that have the and seemed desirous of mounting into the clouds appearance of danger or death in them, the upon the back of him. But as the hinder feet merry-andrew has his separate packet for the of the horse stuck to the mountain while the megrims and tooth-ache. body reared up in the air, the poet with great Thus much I thought fit to premise before I difficulty kept himself from sliding off his back, resume the subject which I have already han. insomuch that the people often gave him for dled. I mean the naked bosoms of our British gone, and cried out every now and then that he ladies. I hope they will not take it ill of me, was tumbling.
if I still beg that they will be covered.' I shall Virgil, with great modesty in his looks, was here present them with a letter on that particuseated by Calliope, in the midst of a plantation lar, as it was yesterday conveyed to me through of laurels which grew thick about him, and al. the lion's mouth. It comes from a quaker, and most covered him with their shade. He would | is as follows:
NESTOR IRONSIDE, -Our friends like thee. gether. He produces an instance of this perfect We rejoice to find thou beginnest to have a sublime in four verses from the Athalia of monglimmering of the light in thee. We shall pray sieur Racine. When Abner, one of the chief for thee, that thou mayest be more and more officers of the court, represents to Joad the highenlightened. Thou givest good advice to the priest, that the queen was incensed against him, women of this world to clothe themselves like the high-priest, not in the least terrified at the unto our friends, and not to expose their fleshly news, returns this answer : temptations, for it is against the record. Thy Celui qui met un frein a la fureur des flots, lion is a good lion; he roareth loud, and is sçait aussi des mechans arreter les complots. heard a great way, even unto the sink of Baby- Soumis
avec respect a sa volante sainte. lon! for the scarlet whore is governed by the Je crains Dieu, cher Abner, et n'ai point d'autre craint.' voice of thy lion. Look on his order.
• He who ruleth the raging of the sea, knows “Rome, July 8, 1713. A placard is published also how to check the designs of the ungodly. here, forbidding women of whatsoever quality I submit myself with reverence to his holy will
. to go with naked breasts; and the priests are O Abner, I fear my God, and I fear none but ordered not to admit the transgressors of this him. Such a thought gives no less a sublimity law to confession, nor to communion, neither to human nature, than it does to good writing. are they to enter the cathedrals, under severe This religious fear, when it is produced by just penalties.”
apprehensions of a divine power, naturally over. These lines are faithfully copied from the looks all human greatness that stands in comnightly_paper, with this title written over it, petition with it, and extinguishes every other " The Evening Post, from Saturday, July the terror that can settle itself in the heart of man; eighteenth, to Tuesday, July the twenty-first.” it lessens and contracts the figure of the most
Seeing thy lion is obeyed at this distance, exalted person; it disarms the tyrant and exewe hope the foolish women in thy own country cutioner; and represents to our minds the most will listen to thy admonitions. Otherwise thou enraged and the most powerful as altogether art desired to make him still roar till all the harmless and impotent. beasts of the forest shall tremble. I must again There is no true fortitude which is not found. repeat unto thee, friend Nestor, the whole bro- ed upon this fear, as there is no other principle therhood have great hopes of thee, and expect of so settled and fixed a nature. Courage that to see thee so inspired with the light, as thou grows from constitution, very often forsakes a mayest speedily become a great preacher of the man when he has occasion for it; and when it word. I wish it heartily. Thine, in every is only a kind of instinct in the soul, breaks out thing that is praise-worthy,
on all occasions without judgment or discretion. •TOM TREMBLE. That courage which proceeds from the sense of Tom's coffee-house in Birchin-Jane, the 230 day of the our duty, and from the fear of offending him month called July.'
that made us, acts always in a uniform manner,
and according to the dictates of right reason. It happens very oddly that the pope and I What can the man fear, who takes care in should have the same thoughts much about the all his actions to please a being that is omniposame time. My enemies will be apt to say, that tent? A being who is able to crush all his adwe hold a correspondence together, and act by versaries ? A being that can divert any mis. concert in this matter. Let that be as it will, fortune from befalling him, or turn any such I shall not be ashamed to join with his holiness misfortune to his advantage? The person who in those particulars which are indifferent be- lives with this constant and habitual regard to tween us, especially when it is for the reforma. the great superintendant of the world, is indeed tion of the finer half of mankind. We are both sure that no real evil can come into his lot. of us about the same age, and consider this
Blessings may appear under the shape of fashion in the same view. I hope that it will pains, losses, and disappointments; but let him not be able to resist his bull and my lion. I am have patience, and he will see them in their only afraid that our ladies will take occasion proper figures. Dangers may threaten him, from hence to show their zeal for the protestant but he may rest satisfied that they will either religion, and pretend to expose their naked bo- not reach him; or that, if they do, they will be soms only in opposition to popery.
the instruments of good to him. In short, he may look upon all crosses and accidents, suffer.
ings and afflictions, as means which are made No. 117.] Saturday, July 25, 1713. use of to bring him to happiness. This is even
the worst of that man's condition whose mind Cura pii Diis sunt. Ovid. Met. Lib. viii. 724. is possessed with the habitual fear of which I The good are Heaven's peculiar care.
am now speaking. But it very often happens,
that those which appear evils in our own eyes, LOOKING over the late edition of monsiour appear also as such to him who has human Boileau's works, I was very much pleased with nature under his care; in which case they are the article which he has added to his notes on certainly averted from the person who has made the translation of Longinus. He there tells us, himself by this virtue an object of divine favour. that the sublime in writing rises either from Histories are full of instances of this nature, the nobleness of the thought, the magnificence where men of virtue have had extraordinary of the words, or the harmonious and lively turn escapes out of such dangers as have enclosed of the phrase, and that the perfect sublime them, and which have seemed inevitable. arises from all these three in conjunction to There is no example of this kind in pagen