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nefit of mankind, we take the liberty to desire quarrel, but since I have communicated to the the insertion of this letter into your Guardian. world a plan which has given offence to some We expect no other recommendation of it from gentlemen whom it would not be very safe to you, but the allowing of it a place in so useful disoblige, I must insert the following remon. a paper. Nor do we insist on any protection strance; and at the same time promise those of from you, if what we propose should fall short my correspondents who have drawn this upon of what we pretend to; since any disgrace, themselves, to exhibit to the public any such which in that case must be expected, ought to answer as they shall think proper to make to it. lie wholly at our own doors, and to be entirely borne by ourselves, which we hope we have •MR. Guardian,— I was very much troubled provided for by putting our own names to this to see the two letters which you lately published paper.
concerning the short club. You cannot imagine . It is well known, sir, to yourself and to the what airs all the little pragmatical fellows about learned, and trading, and sailing world, that us have given themselves since the reading of the great defect of the art of navigation is, that those papers. Every one cocks and struts upon a ship at sea has no certain method, in either it, and pretends to overlook us who are two her eastern or western voyages, or even in her feet higher than themselves. I met with one less distant sailing from the coasts, to know her the other day who was at least three inches longitude, or how much she is gone eastward above five feet, which you know is the statuta or westward, as it can easily be known in any able measure of that club. This overgrown clear day or night, how much she is gone north- runt has struck off his heels, lowered his foreward or southward. The several methods by top, and contracted his figure, that he might be lunar eclipses, by those of Jupiter's satellites, looked upon as a member of this new-erected by the appulses of the moon to fixed stars, and society ; nay, so far did his vanity carry him, by the even motions of pendulum clocks and that he talked familiarly of Tom Tiptoe, and watches, upon how solid foundations soever they pretends to be an intimate acquaintance of are built, still failing in long voyages at sea, Tim Tuck. For my part, I scorn to speak any when they come to be practised, and leaving thing to the diminution of these little creatures, the poor sailors frequently to the great inaccu- and should not have minded them had they been racy of a log-line, or dead reckoning. This still shuffed among the crowd. Shrubs and defect is so great, and so many ships have been underwoods look well enough while they grow lost by it, and this has been so long and so sen- within the shades of oaks and cedars; but when sibly known by trading nations, that great re- these pigmies pretend to draw themselves out wards are said to be publicly offered for its from the rest of the world, and form themselves supply. We are well satisfied, that the disco- into a body, it is time for us who are men of very we have to make as to this matter is easily figure to look about us. If the ladies should intelligible by all, and ready to be practised at once take a liking to such a diminutive race of sea as well as at land; that the latitude will lovers, we should, in a little time, see mankind thereby be likewise found at the same time; epitomized, and the whole species in miniature; and that with proper charges it may be made daisy roots* would grow a fashionable diet. In as universal as the world shall please; nay, that order therefore to keep our posterity from the longitude and latitude may be generally dwindling, and fetch down the pride of this hereby determined to a greater degree of exact- aspiring race of upstarts, we have here instiness than the latitude itself is now usually found tuted a tall club.
So that on all accounts we hope it will "As the short club consists of those who are appear very worthy the public consideration. under five feet, ours is to be composed of such We are ready to disclose it to the world, if we as are above six. These we look upon as the may be assured that no other person shall be two extremes and antagonists of the species; allowed to deprive us of those rewards which considering all those as neuters who fill up the the public shall think fit to bestow for such a middle space. When a man rises beyond six discovery; but do not desire actually to receive feet he is a hypermeter, and may be admitted any benefit of that nature till sir Isaac Newton into the tall club. himself, with such other proper persons as shall •We have already chosen thirty members, be chosen to assist him, have given their opi- the most sightly of all her majesty's subjects. nion in favour of this discovery. If Mr. Ironside We elected a president, as many of the ancients pleases so far to oblige the public as to commu- did their kings, by reason of his height, having nicate this proposal to the world, he will also only confirmed him in that station above us lay a great obligation on his very humble ser- which nature had given him. He is a Scotch vants,
· WILL WHISTON, Highlander, and within an inch of a show. As · HUMPHRY DITTON.'
for my own part, I am but a sesquipedal, hav, ing only six feet and a half of stature. Being
the shortest member of the club, I am appointed Wednesday, July 15, 1713. secretary. If you saw us all together you
would take us for the sons of Anak. Our meetAbietibus juvenes patriis et montibus æqui. ings are held like the old gothic parliaments,
Virg. Æn. ix. 674.
sub dio, in open air; but we shall make an in-Youths, of height and size,
terest, if we can, that we may hold our assem. Like firs that on their mother-mountain rise.
* Daisy roots, boiled in milk, are said to check the I do not care for burning my fingers in a growth of puppies.
blies in Westminster-hall, when it is not term course concerning the tucker. Some of them time. I must add, to the honour of our club, are filled with reproaches and invectives. A that it is one of our society who is now finding lady, who subscribes herself Teraminta, bids out the longitude. The device of our public me, in a very pert manner, mind my own af! seal is, a crane grasping a pigmy in his right fairs, and not pretend to meddle with their linen; foot.
for that they do not dress for an old fellow, who • I know the short club value themselves very cannot see them without a pair of spectacles. much upon Mr. Distich, who may possibly play Another, who calls herself Bubnelia, vents her some of his pentameters upon us, but if he does passion in scurrilous terms; an old ninnyhamhe shall certainly be answered in Alexandrines. mer, dotard, a nincompoop, is the best lan. For we have a poet among us of a genius as guage she can afford me. Florella, indeed, exexalted as his stature, and who is very well postulates with me upon the subject, and only read in Longinus's treatise concerning the complains that she is forced to return a pair of sublime. * Besides, I would have Mr. Distich stays which were made in the extremity of the consider, that if Horace was a short man, Mu- fashion, that she might not be thought to ensæus, who makes such a noble figure in Virgil's courage peeping. sixth Æneid, was taller by the head and should But if on the one side I have been used ill
, ers than all the people of Elysium. I shall (the common fate of all reformers,) I have on therefore confront his lepidissimum homuncio- the other side received great applauses and acnem (a short quotation, and fit for a member of knowledgments for what I have done, in having their club) with one that is much longer, and put a seasonable stop to this unaccountable hutherefore more suitable to a member of ours. mour of stripping, that has got among our Bri. Quos circumfusos sic est affata Sibylla ;
tish ladies. As I would much rather the world Musæum ante omnes : medium nam plurima turba
should know what is said to my praise, than to Hunc habet, atque humeris extantum suscipit altis.' my disadvantage, I shall suppress what has been
Virg. Æn. vi. 666.
written to me by those who have reviled me on To these the Sibyl thus her speech address'd:
this occasion, and only publish those letters And first to him surrounded by the rest ; Towering his height and ample was his breast.'
which approve my proceedings.
Dryden. • If after all, this society of little men proceed
Sır,—I am to give you thanks in the name as they have begun, to magnify themselves, and of half a dozen superannuated beauties, for your lessen men of higher stature, we have resolved paper of the sixth instant. We all of us pass for to make a detachment, some evening or other, women of fifty, and a man of your sense knows that shall bring away their whole club in a pair how many additional years are always to be of panniers, and imprison them in a cupboard thrown into female computations of this nature. which we have set apart for that use, until they We are very sensible that several young fiirts have made a public recantation. As for the about town had a design to cast us out of the little bully, Tim Tuck, if he pretends to be fashionable world, and to leave us in the lurch choleric, we shall treat him like his friend little by some of their late refinements. Two or three Dicky, and hang him upon a peg until he comes
of them have been heard to say, that they would to himself. I have told you our design, and let kill every old woman about town. In order to their little Machiavel prevent it if he can.
it, they began to throw off their clothes as fast • This is, sir, the long and the short of the as they could, and have played all those pranks matter. I am sensible I shall stir up a nest of which you have so seasonably taken notice of. wasps by it, but let them do their worst. I We were forced to uncover, after them, being think that we serve our country by discourag- unwilling to give out so soon, and be regarded ing this little breed, and hindering it from as veterans in the beau monde. Some of us coming into fashion. If the fair sex look upon
have already caught our deaths by it. For my us with an eye of favour, we shall make some
own part, I have not been without a cold ever attempts to lengthen out the human figure, and since this foolish fashion came up. I have folrestore it to its ancient procerity. In the mean lowed it thus far with the hazard of my time we hope old age has not inclined you in and how much farther I must go nobody knows, favour of our antagonists ; for I do assure you
if your paper does not bring us relief. You may sir, we are all your high admirers, though none
assure yourself that all the antiquated necks more than, sir, yours, &c.'
about town are very much obliged to you.
Whatever fires and flames are concealed in our bosoms (in which perhaps we vie with the
youngest of the sex) they are not sufficient to No. 109.] Thursday, July 16, 1713, preserve us against the wind and weather. In
taking so many old women under your care, Pugnabat tunica sed tamen illa tegi.
you have been a real Guardian to us, and saved Ovid. Amor. Lib. 1. Eleg. v. 14. the life of many of your contemporaries. In Yet still she strove her naked charms to hide. short, we all of us beg leave to subscribe our
selves, most venerable Nestor, your humble ser. I HAVE received many letters from persons vants and sisters.' of all conditions, in reference to my late dis• Leonard Welsted, whose translation of Longinus of my good sisters. I must confess I have al.
I am very well pleased with this approbation first appeared in 1712. | Musæus,
ways looked on the tucker to be the decus et tu
tamen,* the ornament and defence, of the female composition, which may be imputed to inadver. neck. My good old lady, the lady Lizard, con. tency, or to the imperfection of human nature. demned this fashion from the beginning, and The truth of it is, there can be no more a perhas observed to me, with some concern, that fect work in the world, than a perfect man. To her sex, at the same time they are letting down say of a celebrated piece, that there are faults their stays, are tucking up their petticoats, in it, is in effect to say no more, than that the which grow shorter and shorter every day. author of it was a man. For this reason, I con. The leg discovers itself in proportion with the sider every critic that attacks an author in high neck. But I may possibly take another occa- reputation, as the slave in the Roman triumph, sion of handling this extremity, it being my who was to call out to the conqneror, 'Remem. design to keep a watchful eye over every part ber, sir, that you are a man.' I speak this in of the female sex, and to regulate them from relation to the following letter, which criticises head to foot. In the mean time I shall fill up the works of a great poet, whose very faults my paper with a letter which comes to me from have more beauty in them than the most elaboanother of my obliged correspondents. rate compositions of many more correct writers.
The remarks are very curious and just, and in. *Dear GUARDEE,—This comes to you from troduced by a compliment to the work of an one of those untuckered ladies whom you were author, who I am sure would not care for being so sharp upon on Monday was se'nnight. I praised at the expense of another's reputation. think myself mightily beholden to you for the I must therefore desire my correspondent to ex. reprehension you then gave us.
You must cuse me, if I do not publish either the preface know I am a famous olive beauty. But though or conclusion of his letter, but only the critical this complexion makes a very good face when part of it. there are a couple of black sparkling eyes set in it, it makes but a very indifferent neck. Sır, - * Your fair women, therefore, thought of this * fashion to insult the olives and the brunettes. "Our tragedy writers have been notoriously They know very well, that a neck of ivory does defective in giving proper sentiments to the pernot make so fine a show as one of alabaster. It sons they introduce. Nothing is more common is for this reason, Mr. Ironside, that they are so than to hear a heathen talking of angels and liberal in their discoveries. We know very well, devils, the joys of heaven, and the pains of hell, that a woman of the whitest neck in the world, according to the Christian system. Lee's Alex. is to you no more than a woman of snow; but der discovers him to be a Cartesian in the first Ovid, in Mr. Duke's translation of him, seems page of (Edipus: to look upon it with another eye, when he talks
- The sun's sick too, of Corinna, and mentions
Shortly he'll be an earth”-“ her heaving breast,
As Dryden's Cleomenes is acquainted with the Courting the hand, and suing to be prest." Copernican hypothesis, two thousand years beWomen of my complexion ought to be more fore its invention. modest, especially since our faces debar us from "I am pleas'd with my own work; Jove was not more all artificial whitenings. Could you examine
With infant nature, when his spacious hand
Had rounded this huge ball of earth and seas, many of these ladies who present you with such
To give it the first push, and see it roll beautiful snowy chests, you would find they are Along the vast abyss"not all of a piece. Good father Nestor, do not let us alone until you have shortened our necks, before me, in which I find frequent allusions to
I have now Mr. Dryden's Don Sebastian and reduced them to their ancient standard. I ancient history, and the old mythology of the am your most obliged humble servant,
heathen. It is not very natural to suppose a OLIVIA.
king of Portugal would be borrowing thoughts I shall have a just regard to Olivia's remon- out of Ovid's Metamorphoses when he talked strance, though at the same time I cannot but even to those of his own court; but to allude to observe that her modesty seems to be entirely these Roman fables when he talks to an empethe result of her complexion.
ror of Barbary, seems very extraordinary. But observe how he defies him out of the classics, in
the following lines: No. 110.) Friday, July 17, 1713. “Why didst not thou engage me man to man,
And try the virtue of that Gorgon face
To stare me into statue ?"
* Almeyda, at the same time, is more book. Aut humana parum cavit natura
learned than Don Sebastian. She plays a hydra Hor. Ars Poet. ver. 351.
upon the emperor that is full as good as the I will not quarrel with a slight mistake, Such as our nature's frailty may excuse.
“O that I had the fruitful heads of hydra,
That one might bourgeon where another fell! THE candour which Horace shows in the
Still would I give thee work, still, still, thou tyrant, motto of my paper, is that which distinguishes And hiss thee with thee last"a critic from a caviller. He declares that he is She afterwards, in allusion to Hercules, bids not offended with those little faults in a poetical him “lay down the lion's skin, and take the
*The words milled on the larger silver and gold coins distaff;” and in the following speech utters her of this kingdom.
passion still more learnedly.
“No! were we join'd, even tho' it were in death, | rally censured. Take the sentiments out of the Our bodies burning in one funeral pile, The prodigy of Thebes wou'd be renew'd,
shining dress of words, and they would be too And my divided flame should break from thine." coarse for a scene in Billingsgate. • The emperor of Barbary shows himself acquainted with the Roman poets as well as either of his prisoners, and answers the foregoing
'I am, &c.' speech in the same classic strain:
“ Serpent, I will engender poison with thee; Our offspring, like the seed of dragons' teeth,
No. 111.] Shall issue arm’d, and fight themselves to death."
Saturday, July 18, 1713. Ovid seems to have been Muley Molock's Hic aliquis de gente hircosâ Centurionum favourite author, witness the lines that follow : Dicat : quod satis est sapio mihi ; non ego curo
Esse quod Arcesilas, ærumnosique Solones. " She still inexorable, still imperious
Pers. Sat. iii. 77. And loud, as if, like Bacchus, born in thunder.”
But here, some captain of the land or fleet, 'I shall conclude my remarks on his part Stout of his hands, but of a soldier's wit, with that poetical complaint of his being in love,
Cries, I have sense to serve my turn, in store;
And he's a rascal who pretends to more : and leave my reader to consider how prettily it Dammee, whate'er those book-learn'd blockheads say, would sound in the mouth of an emperor of Mo Solon's the veriest fool in all the play. Dryden. rocco : “The god of love once more has shot his fires
I am very much concerned when I see young Into my soul, and my whole heart receives him." gentlemen of fortune and quality so wholly set * Muley Zeydan is as ingenious a man as his upon pleasures and diversions, that they neglect brother Muley Molock; as where he hints at
all those improvements in wisdom and know. the story of Castor and Pollux :
ledge which may make them easy to themselves,
and useful to the world. The greatest part of “May we ne'er meet!
our British youth lose their figure, and grow For like the twins of Leda, when I mount, out of fashion by that time they are five-andHe gallops down the skies”.
twenty. As soon as the natural gayety and • As for the mufti, we will suppose that he amiableness of the young man wears off
, they was bred up a scholar, and not only versed in have nothing left to recommend them, but lie the law of Mahomet, but acquainted with all by the rest of their lives among the lumber and kinds of polite learning. For this reason, he is refuse of the species. It sometimes happens, not at all surprised when Dorax calls him a indeed, that for want of applying themselves in Phaëton in one place, and in another tells him due time to the pursuits of knowledge, they he is like Archimedes.
take up a book in their declining years, and The mufti afterwards mentions Ximenes, grow very hopeful scholars by that time they Albornoz, and cardinal Wolsey by name. The are threescore. I must, therefore, earnestly poet seems to think he may make every person press my readers, who are in the flower of their in his play know as much as himself, and talk youth, to labour at those accomplishments which as well as he could have done on the same oc. may set off their persons when their bloom is casion. At least I believe every reader will gone, and to lay in timely provisions for managree with me, that the above-mentioned senti. hood and old age. In short, I would advise the ments, to which I might have added several youth of fifteen to be dressing up every day the others, would have been better suited to the man of fifty, or to consider how to make himcourt of Augustus, than that of Muley Molock. self venerable at threescore. I grant they are beautiful in themselves, and Young men, who are naturally ambitious, much more so in that noble language which would do well to observe how the greatest men was peculiar to this great poet. I only observe of antiquity made it their ambition to excel that they are improper for the persons who all their contemporaries in knowledge. Julius make use of them, Dryden is, indeed, gene- Cæsar and Alexander, the most celebrated in. rally wrong in his sentiments. Let any one stances of human greatness, took a particular read the dialogue between Octavia and Cleo. care to distinguish themselves by their skill in patra, and he will be amazed to hear a Roman the arts and sciences. We have still extant lady's mouth filled with such obscene raillery. several remains of the former, which justify If the virtuous Octavia departs from her cha- the character given of him by the learned men racter, the loose Dolabella is no less inconsist of his own age. As for the latter, it is a known ent with himself, when, all of a sudden, he drops saying of his, that he was more obliged to the pagan, and talks in the sentiments of re. Aristotle, who had instructed him, than to vealed religion.
Philip, who had given him life and empire.
There is a letter of his recorded by Plutarch “ Heaven has but Our sorrow for our sins, and then delights
and Aulus Gelius, which he wrote to Aristotle To pardon erring man. Sweet mercy seems upon hearing that he had published those lecs Its darling attribute, which limits justice; tures he had given him in private. This letter As if there were degrees in infinite : And infinite would rather want perfection
was written in the following words, at a time Than punish to extent"
when he was in the height of his Persian con • I might show several faults of the same na
quests. ture in the celebrated Aureng Zebe. The im.
• Alexander to Aristotle, greeting. propriety of thoughts in the speeches of the • You have not done well to publish your great mogul and his empress has been gene. books of Select Knowledge; for what is there
now in which I can surpass others, if those thine enemies, but hast asked for thyself under. things which I have been instructed in are standing to discern judgment : Behold I have communicated to every body? For my own done according to thy words : Lo, I have given part, I declare to you, I would rather excel thee a wise and understanding heart, so that others in knowledge than power. Farewell.' there was none like thee before thee, neither
We see by this letter, that the love of con. after thee shall any arise like unto thee. And quest was but the second ambition in Alexan- I have also given thee that which thou hast not der's soul. Knowledge is, indeed, that which, asked, both riches and honour, so that there next to virtue, truly and essentially raises one shall not be any among the kings like unto thee man above another. It finishes one half of all thy days. And if thou wilt walk in my the human soul. It makes being pleasant to ways, to keep my statutes and my commandus, fills the mind with entertaining views, and ments, as thy father David did walk, then I will administers to it a perpetual series of gratifi
. lengthen thy days. And Solomon awoke, and cations. It gives ease to solitude, and graceful behold it was a dream.'ness to retirement. It fills a public station with The French poet has shadowed this story in suitable abilities, and adds a lustre to those who an allegory, of which he seems to have taken are in possession of them.
the hint from the fable of the three goddesses Learning, by which I mean all useful know- appearing to Paris, or rather from the vision of ledge, whether speculative or practical, is, in po- Hercules, recorded by Xenophon, where Pleapular and mixt governments, the natural source sure and Virtue are represented as real persons of wealth and honour. If we look into most making their court to the hero with all their seof the reigns from the conquest, we shall find veral charms and allurements. Health, Wealth, that the favourites of each reign have been Victory, and Honour are introduced successively those who have raised themselves. The great- in their proper emblems and characters, each est men are generally the growth of that par- of them spreading her temptations, and recomticular age in which they flourish. A superior mending herself to the young monarch's choice. capacity for business, and a more extensive Wisdom enters the last, and so captivates him knowledge, are the steps by which a new man with her appearance, that he gives himself up often mounts to favour, and outshines the rest to her. Upon which she informs him, that of his contemporaries. But when men are ac- those wh8 appeared before her were nothing tually born to titles, it is almost impossible else but her equipage : and that since he had that they should fail of receiving an additional placed his heart upon Wisdom; Health, Wealth, greatness, if they take care to accomplish them- Victory, and Honour, should always wait on selves for it.
her as her handmaids. The story of Solomon's choice does not only instruct us in that point of history, but furnishes out a very fine moral to us, namely, that he
No. 112.] who applies his heart to wisdom, does at the
Monday, July 20, 1713. same time take the most proper method for gaining long life, riches, and reputation, which Spernit humum fugiente penna. are very often not only the rewards, but the
Hor. Lib. 3. Od. ii. 23. effects of wisdom.
Scorns the base earth, and crowd below; As it is very suitable to my present subject, I And with a soaring wing still mounts on high. shall first of all quote this passage in the words
Creech. of sacred writ, and afterwards mention an al. legory, in which this whole passage is repre
The philosophers of king Charles's reign were sented by a famous French poet : not question- busy in finding out the art of flying. The famous ing but it will be very pleasing to such of my that he says he does not question but in the next
bishop Wilkins was so confident of success in it, readers as have a taste of fine writing.
• In Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon in age it will be as usual to hear a man call for a dream by night: and God said, Ask what I his wings when he is going a journey, as it is shall give thee. And Solomon said, Thou hast now to call for his boots. The humour so pre. showed unto thy servant David my father great vailed among the virtuosos of this reign, that mercy, according as he walked before thee in they were actually making parties to go up to truth and in righteousness, and in uprightness the moon together, and were more put to it in of heart with thee, and thou hast kept for him their thoughts how to meet with accommodathis great kindness, that thou hast given him a tions by the way, than how to get thither. Every son to sit on his throne, as it is this day. And one knows the story of the great lady* who, at now, O Lord my God, thou hast made thy ser. the same time, was building castles in the air tant king instead of David my father : and I for their reception. I always leave such trite am but a little child; I know not how to go out quotations to my reader's private recollection. or come in. Give, therefore, thy servant an For which reason, also, I shall forbear extractunderstanding heart to judge thy people, that I ing out of authors several instances of particumay discern between good and bad: for who is lar persons who have arrived at some perfection able to judge this thy so great a people ? And in this art, and exhibited specimens of it before the speech pleased the Lord, that Solomon had asked this thing. And God said unto him, Be * The duchess of Newcastle objected to bishop Wilcause thou hast asked this thing, and hast not kins, the want of baiting places in the way to his new asked for thyself long life, neither hast asked world; the bishop expressed his surprise that this ob.
jection should be made by a lady who had been all her riches for thyself, nor hast asked the life of life employed in building castles in the air.